Taken
by NotYetLostFaith
Summary: Just a few days before Kate leaves to have her first, and long awaited, baby, a case comes across her desk and she's determined to solve it before her last day. But it soon becomes apparent that there may be a far deadlier reason for a quick solve to be required.
1. Prologue

Lanie didn't even look up as her best friend entered the morgue and slumped beside her at her desk. It wasn't as if she didn't do this most days lately.

"How long?" Lanie asked quietly, studiously looking at her paperwork while Kate trained her tearful eyes on the corner beside the doctor's elbow.

"Nineteen hours." Kate murmured softly, surprising Lanie at the steadiness of her voice. "Says he'll be home by about four. He promises to wake me." Lanie smiled looking up for the first time since the detective's entrance.

"So, what's up?" She asked slowly. Kate shrugged a single shoulder, holding her breath as she worried her lower lip with her teeth.

"I'm not pregnant." She whispered. Lanie dropped her pen and reached for Kate's hand, holding it caringly between both of hers.

"Oh, Honey." She murmured. "I'm sorry."

Kate shrugged again. "No big deal."

Lanie tutted, squeezing her hand in gently reprimand. "You told him yet?" Kate shook her head. "How come?"

"He's on a book tour, Lanie. I didn't want to disturb him when he'll be back tomorrow."

Lanie sighed. "He must know though? That it's coming up? That boy knows your cycle better than you do by now, doesn't he?"

Kate nodded. "He never mentions it first. He always lets me bring it up."

Lanie gave her a puzzled look. "How come?"

Kate sighed. "I think he knows how much it hurts." She whispered. "And seeing as it's my fault..."

"What?" Lanie interrupted, indignant on her friend's behalf. "Where is _that_ coming from? Did _he_ tell you that?"

Kate shook her head emphatically. "No. Of course he didn't."

"Then..." Lanie prompted, not willing to let the detective get away with that.

"We _know he_ can have kids. And it's been, what, like _six months _now. What if we can't get pregnant and we're just kidding ourselves?" Kate murmured, her eyes welling with tears. "What if he blames me, Lanie?"

Lanie shook her head and pulsated her hands around Kate's trapped one. "Sweetie, he would never blame you for this. You are the moon and stars to that man, he won't ever blame you. And I bet that this time next month you'll discover you're late and feel really silly for doubting it." Kate shot her a soft smile. "Now, you better get to work so you can solve this case before lover boy gets home." Kate nodded and accepted the hug from the medical examiner before she left the morgue to continue on to work.

Lanie was right. Give it a week and they'd start trying again. It wasn't as if they weren't having fun trying.

_**KBRC**_

Kate sat on the edge of their bed while Rick sat behind her, cradling her into his chest, with his legs sat either side of hers.

His hands held hers, the test between them, both on tenterhooks waiting for the result.

Kate was two weeks late and they barely dared to hope. Nearly a year after scrapping all birth control, they were too nervous to pray for the result they wanted. They'd been here before, praying hadn't worked then.

"Kate, no matter what happens," Castle murmured against her ear, leaning his chin on her shoulder, "even if this is negative, you know I'll love you, right? I don't care if we can never have kids, as long as I have you, that's enough for me." He assured her softly, determined to not let her blame herself again if they weren't pregnant.

"I know." Kate whispered. Castle could hear the almost desperate hope in her voice though. It would kill her if they, again, weren't pregnant.

He kissed the base of her neck gently. "Okay."

They waited on bated breath, both of them jumping when the timer on Castle's phone went off to let them know two minutes had passed.

"I can't look." Kate whispered, turning her cheek into his shoulder. "Please, Castle..." He kissed her shoulder before leaning over it to see their hands.

He gently pried her white knuckled fingers off the test before looking at the result.

He smiled before turning in to whisper in her ear. "We're gonna have a baby, Kate."


	2. Chapter 1

Kate stood at the murder board, one of her hands supporting her lower back while the other rested against her baby bump, absently twirling the marker between two fingers. This case was stumping her, badly.

The boys both sat at their desks, working studiously, looking into their victim's life, going through everything with a fine tooth comb.

Mellissa Cardwell was a twenty seven year old medical student. Her parents were deceased and she was an only child. She had been with her long term boyfriend Jamie Douglas- who had alibied out, not that anyone really suspected him- since she was eighteen.

They were expecting their first baby and she had been just three days off her due date when she was snatched off the street and held for four hours, before her body was found floating face down in the East River.

The child she was carrying, a little baby daughter according to her sonograms, was still missing.

None of the team took that news particularly well- Ryan's son was nearly two, and a beloved member of the family, and obviously the Caskett baby was due in just a couple of weeks- but it was Kate's reaction that was on par with Jamie's, who had passed out. Kate was the only one who actually vomited when they discovered that, but she wasn't the only one who felt like doing so.

Their killer had induced or triggered her labour and then dumped her body minus the child; Lanie was still determining whether their killer gave her something to induce her, or if the stress of the situation had just triggered her body to go into labour. None of them knew which they were hoping for. Neither seemed like a good option for the baby, whose fortune they were yet to determine.

"Still no word from Lanie?" Castle asked as he handed Kate a bottle of water, her caffeine privileges revoked for the foreseeable future if she decided to breastfeed, something they were still discussing.

Kate shook her head as she sipped. "Not yet. Ryan and Espo are working to try and find someone with a motive, but everyone says she was a wonderful person and they were all very excited to meet Pippa." Kate unconsciously smoothed her hand across her bump; she'd been doing that a lot since they caught this case. No one blamed her.

"Do you think it was wise of Jamie, to name the baby I mean, when he doesn't even know if she's okay?" Rick asked quietly.

Kate turned to him, raising an eyebrow at his question. "Are you telling me, if something happened to our baby, you wouldn't want to name them?"

Rick gently laid his hand on the swell of his girlfriend's stomach; feeling grounded again when their child moved beneath his palm. "You're right."

Kate nodded, turning back to the board.

"I just don't understand the killer's motivation." Castle sighed, as frustrated with this case as Kate. "I mean, why, of all people, take someone who is nearly nine months pregnant? Not only was she a-physically-harder-to-take target, given how she was nearly full term and thus not the easiest of people to throw over your shoulder and kidnap, but also, I'm pretty sure even the great 'hear no evil, see no evil' New York population pay more attention to a heavily pregnant woman, than they do the average pedestrian. So why, of everyone on the street that day, did our killer take Mellissa?"

Kate shrugged, tapping her fingers in a soft pattern against a slightly protruding baby elbow. "Shh Baby." Kate hummed, stroking her fingers against the joint until their child relaxed. "I know, momma's stressing out and you don't like it. I know Bubba."

Castle felt his heart melt as he listened to her talk to their unborn baby.

He'd often find her nowadays, curled up on the couch in his office- somewhere she disappeared to when she wanted quiet to read- talking or singing to their baby. He couldn't wait until he could see her with their child in her arms, but he had stopped saying he couldn't wait to see her as a mother basically from the time she started showing: she was already a mom.

"I don't know Castle." Kate continued in answer to his question, giving him a moment to drag his mind back to their conversation before speaking again. "Maybe there was something special about her, maybe he has a thing for brunettes and the baby bump didn't matter, maybe he wanted the baby for some reason, or there is always the possibility, as with every case, that he's just a psycho with no motivation at all to snatch a young woman off the street. Whatever it is, I think we should wait until her financials come in, and for the boys to tell us whether or not they think anyone in her life would have motive, before we try to work out why a person would want to kill Mellissa and take her daughter."

Rick nodded and took his own water bottle to sip from. He had agreed right at the beginning that if she couldn't have caffeine, he wouldn't either. Kate was touched at the comradery and appreciated the support.

"How are you doing?" He asked softly. He knew better than to ask in front of the team, Kate afraid his constant questioning may affect her boys' trust in her abilities in these last few weeks, but he couldn't not ask when he could practically feel the exhaustion coming off her.

Kate shrugged, allowing herself a moment of weakness to just lean against his body for a moment.

"Do you wanna take a break, lay down for a bit?" Castle offered quietly.

Not only was growing another human exhausting, but after fifteen plus years of practically hard lining caffeine, her body was rebelling about not getting its fix. He had found her crashed on the break room couch more times than he cared to mention in the first few months.

"Give me ten more minutes, then maybe we could go home for lunch?" Kate asked quietly, still a little shy at having to ask for such things.

Rick nodded, smiling as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "Course. Just say the word, momma."

Kate's whole demeanour softened.

He knew it was a downright dirty tactic, but it worked. He called her it from time to time. Mostly just because he could, but also he had found it useful when persuading her to take a break. It was as if sometimes she'd forget and get so far into the mindset of Detective Beckett, that she'd forget she was also Kate, girlfriend and mother.

"Okay, maybe five." She smiled shyly. "Just give me five minutes and then home for lunch."

Rick smiled again. "Whatever you need, Sweetheart."

She smiled sweetly, actually enjoying the monikers every now and again.

She had taken months to get used to them, to get used to Castle being the one calling her Sweetheart and Darling and such, but she knew it was just how he loved.

It was a little different from her sometimes, her monikers far fewer and farther between, but she enjoyed being taken care of by him. Something that had come as a shock to them both. But sometimes, especially while she had been pregnant, she had appreciated the extra care he was taking.


	3. Chapter 2

"Financials are in, Beckett." Esposito called just as she was getting ready to leave.

Kate sighed.

Given that she was leaving to go on her Maternity Leave in just two days, she wasn't allowed anywhere near any active crime scenes.

This meant that she was in charge of paperwork while the boys did the more physical stuff. Obviously, they did their share too, but it did mean they weren't going home for lunch.

Kate turned to Castle with an apologetic smile. "Looks like we're staying here."

Castle shook his head. "If you need to go home Kate, we're going home. We could take the paperwork with us, or it could wait an hour, but either way, if you need to go home..." He insisted until Kate cut him off.

"Rick, what I _need_, is to have this case at least mostly finished before I leave the day after tomorrow. If that means we don't get to go home, then we don't."

Castle wasn't sure, but he could see by the look in her eye that she really was okay. Going home had been a luxury option then, rather than a necessity.

"Could you go grab something for lunch though? I'll make a start on the financials and then we can eat together while we work?"

Rick smiled and kissed her softly. The baby bump seemed to have softened Captain Gates towards the couple, just enough for him to get away with kissing Kate occasionally in the precinct. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Anything in particular?"

Kate shook her head, a tender smile on her face.

Rick stooped and rested his hands on her hips. "What about you Bubba? You want anything fancy for your lunch?"

Kate gently cupped the back of his skull, stroking her thumb through the thick hair at the back of his head. She loved it when he did this.

Rick leaned his ear against the swell of her stomach and started 'uh-huh'-ing, apparently deep in conversation with their foetus.

"Baby wants a cheese and meatball sandwich." Castle told her in all seriousness. "You good with that?"

Kate gave him a look. He knew full well that the sandwich had become her favourite by her second trimester and his most requested midnight craving run suggestion. "Sounds great. If Bubba wants it, I guess I have no choice."

Castle grinned and kissed just above her belly button, against what felt like a knee, before standing and kissing the end of her nose.

"Be back soon, momma." He whispered. "Go work, I'll hunt and gather."

Kate chuckled as Castle entered the elevator before making her way to the Conference room where the boys had set up Mellissa's records for her.

"Daddy's silly isn't he, Sweetheart." She cooed, smoothing her hand against the place he'd just kissed.

_**KBRC**_

Kate diligently ate her sandwich, ignoring the way Castle's eyes seemed glued to her, making sure she was actually eating no doubt.

It was sweet, in a way, his worry for her. But he was bordering on smothering some of the time and she had enough to deal with, with her first, and ever so long awaited, pregnancy, without him hovering twenty four seven.

But she knew it was how he cared. Knew also that she wasn't the only one disappointed month after month when her period arrived. Wasn't the only one hiding their tears from their partner.

So she let him hover.

Knowing full well that it was love that makes him watch her eat. Love that makes him turn off her computer when he sees the first signs of weariness on her face and in her posture. Love that makes him jump and ask if it's time every time she winces when their baby kicks her.

Kate tossed the wrapper into the bin beside Castle and flashed him a grin. "Thank you. Bubba enjoyed that."

Rick smiled brilliantly and it made it all worth it. "I'm glad." He looked to her for permission and waited for her nod before resting his hand on the swell of her bump.

He knew how much she hated it, that her being pregnant seemed to grant every stranger on the street permission to touch her and ask questions about her pregnancy and baby.

He always asked before touching her bump unless he knew a particular action wasn't minded.

For example, she liked it when he gently pushed against the protrusion of their baby's joints, liked it when he soothingly cupped her side when their child kicked her while she was trying to sleep, liked it when he took a hold of her hips to talk directly to their baby.

But mostly, he asked. And she loved him just a little more for it.

"You gonna settle down now, Baby? Maybe take a nap while momma and daddy do some work? I think you should, Sweetheart. Get some rest, I'll try to keep momma calm so you can rest your pretty eyes."

Kate felt her heart burst at the soft tone he used when addressing her stomach. She adored it when he talked to their baby.

"So," Rick started, addressing her face rather than her abdomen. "Mellissa Cardwell's financial records, huh?"

Beckett nodded. "They seem pretty ordinary really. Obviously, she had massive student bills. She's only a second year med student, she had bills coming up to her eyes. Douglas was the one keeping them both afloat." Kate murmured, reading figures off the sheets of paper spread around the table in front of them.

"What did he do?" Castle asked, one hand holding the sheet he was reading while his other absentmindedly stroked Kate's distended side.

Kate smiled to herself, enjoying the motion just as much as the thought that it wasn't even a conscious decision for him to do it. "Grade school teacher." She murmured.

Rick sighed. "They were really _great_ people, man. I just don't understand why this had to happen to them."

Kate gently took his hand from her body and held it lovingly. "The killer most likely didn't care how great people they were. He only cared about whatever it was that attracted him to Mellissa. Murder isn't picky Rick; doctors, parents, lawyers, thugs, good Samaritans, criminals. The angel of death doesn't discriminate."

Castle nodded and squeezed her hand. "I know. It just _sucks_." He sighed as he shook his head. "Makes me wonder sometimes how we can bare to bring a child into this world."

Kate turned to him, her knees bracketing his as she cupped his cheek in her hand not holding his own. "Rick, people do terrible things to each other every single day." She started, trying hard to swallow the hormone induced emotion clogging her throat at the desolation in his eyes. "But we're happy, right? We love each other and we want to have a family. Look how hard we tried to get here, Rick. Our son or daughter will be so very loved, so very cared for. They will never want for anything. And between us, we will do _everything_ in our combined power to shelter and protect them from the horrors of this world, the horror we see every day. Rick, the world is a terrible place, but we shouldn't let that stop us from being happy, stop us from living our lives and bringing our children into the world."

Castle sighed deeply. "I know. And I'm not saying that I don't want this baby because you _know _how much I do." Kate nodded hastily. "It just worries me sometimes."

Kate stroked her thumb beneath his eye, causing his eyes to slip closed as he leaned into her palm. "You think it doesn't worry me?" She murmured thickly. "You know how much I struggled with my limits. How many days I came home in _tears_ because I was convinced I was letting our baby down every time I went to a crime scene and exposed them to that. But it's that fear that will make us _amazing_ parents. Because we _know _what's out there, Castle. We _know _all the dangers that lurk in the shadows, know, intimately, the things that go bump in the night. We aren't naïve new parents. We know from what and whom we are protecting them."

Rick sighed once more before leaning in and capturing her mouth. He kissed her slowly and gently, bringing his spare hand up to cup the back of her head. Kate felt her heart stutter.

"I love you Kate," Rick whispered against her lips as he leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you and our baby so much it scares me."

Kate nodded slowly, leaning back in to kiss him sweetly.

"I know the feeling, Baby."


	4. Chapter 3

Esposito knocked against the wood of the doorframe before poking his head inside, eyes closed.

"Everyone decent?" He asked cheekily.

Kate laughed. "We're both fully dressed Espo." Rick laughed as the detective opened one eye then the other, smiling at them both.

"Good. I'm sorry to burst your bubble Beckett." He continued seriously. "But dispatch just called. Another young woman had turned up, same place, same MO, mostly."

Kate gulped. "Mostly?" She asked slowly, something in her gut telling her she wasn't going to like this.

The Latino detective looked pale as he watched his colleagues, knowing how this would be received. "Looks like he took the baby by force. There's a gaping hole in her stomach."

"Oh god." Kate's hands immediately encircled her bump as she curled around it protectively. Castle laid his hand between her shoulders.

"Me and Ryan are gonna go, Lanie's on her way. I'll call you, when we know more."

Kate nodded. "Thanks Espo." The words nothing more than a harsh whisper. The male detective nodded and left them to it to go and get his stuff he needed for the scene. "He, he cut the baby out of her Castle?" Kate whispered. "Who, who does that? Who _is_ this guy?"

_**KBRC**_

Kate set about putting up the details of their newest victim.

Kerry Peters was thirty four. She had been married, abused and divorced all before she was twenty two and had fell in love with John Goodwin three years ago.

They had both been married before and neither wanted to repeat the experience so had decided that, while they were committed to each other, neither of them wanted, or needed, the ceremony or the the rings.

They had fallen pregnant eight months ago and wanted to be surprised as to the sex of their baby.

Ryan and Esposito were still talking to Goodwin, something Kate wished she was allowed to at least sit in on. But Gates had ruled that witnesses were in too emotionally volatile a state for it to be safe for Kate to be in the room.

While Kate agreed that her baby's safety came first, and had been on the receiving end of a violent witness enough times to know the truth of the statement, she was getting tired of being excluded from things she could ordinarily do in her sleep.

Rick was busy on the phone to Alexis. The young woman was doing her surgical rotation and was currently on a twenty four hour shift. But she still always had time for her dad.

Kate found herself jealous of the relationship they shared more and more as her pregnancy progressed.

She had been 'daddy's little girl', even through her 'wild child' phase, but after her mother, and Jim's alcoholism, their relationship was mostly reduced to weekly dinners and the odd holiday.

The only people Kate could call to just talk, to distract her from her workload and the horrors of her cases, were the people working them alongside her. So she envied Rick's ability to call his daughter and just talk about anything but work.

But she also loved Alexis, and after a rocky start, Alexis loved her back.

She knew really, if she wanted or needed to, Kate could call Alexis too.

She had done, when Rick was on his last book tour and 'radio silenced' for the day due to meet-and-greets and interviews. She had phoned the girl and they had talked for hours.

Kate carrying Alexis' little sibling had only cemented their relationship, but the elder woman still felt bad calling her basically step-daughter to unload about her day.

Once all the information she currently had was up on the board, Kate sat heavily in her chair and sipped off her shoes.

Heels were out, had been for months, but even her flats were becoming problematic. Her feet were swollen, along with every other part of her as Kate liked to point out on her lower days, and her legs fought valiantly to support her all day, but they were losing the battle by about four.

Though she'd never admit it out loud, she was actually looking forward to her maternity leave.

Being legitimately allowed to stay in bed, or just lounge on the couch, only getting up to attend to the most basic of needs, it sounded like heaven after spending a full day, heavily pregnant, in the stale dusty precinct. The distance between the break room, her desk and the elevator getting bigger each day just to mess with her, she was sure.

"Hey." Castle interrupted her counterproductive internal ramblings as he set a bottle of water in front of her and himself in his chair. "Alexis says hi to you and baby. Says she should be home this weekend to come and visit before D-Day." Kate nodded distractedly, her eye caught on the crime scene pictures of Peters' body. "Earth to Kate." Rick smiled gently. "You okay Beckett?"

Kate nodded, slowly dragging her eyes back to her partner. "How does someone do that to someone else Rick?" She asked quietly, vulnerable in a way she only ever showed him. "I just don't understand."

Rick sighed and gently squeezed her hand where it rested on the biggest part of her belly. "I don't know Kate. Some people are just messed up. Please, Honey, try not to let it get to you. You only have two more days and then you get to spend nearly a year at home, watching our baby as they grow and develop into an individual little person. Concentrate on them Kate, on our child, not on this case." Kate nodded, she knew he was right. "Once the boys are done, and you've written it up, I think it's time for us to go home. I'll run you a bath and you can unwind and relax for a few hours before dinner."

Kate nodded. "Only if they don't need me."

Castle smiled. "They always need you, we all do. I just need you more tonight." Kate smiled shyly, smoothing her thumb back and forth on the back of his hand.

"Home does sound good." She murmured softly, a gentle smile flirting with her lips.

Rick grinned. "And a bath. Maybe even a bubble bath." He reminded her as if it was his biggest selling point. Although, to be fair, it probably was.

Kate smiled. "And a bath, definitely a bubble bath."


	5. Chapter 4

Author's Note-This ruin your theory any Alyssa86InMN?

* * *

Kate was relaxing in her bath, lights off, candles lit, when Castle knocked and entered, talking into her phone.

"She's busy Espo, tell me the details and I'll pass it on." He continued as he perched on the edge of the bathtub and cupped the side of her head.

Kate smiled and turned just far enough to kiss his palm, before he withdrew it and started tracing random patterns into the crest of her stomach, just peeking out from the top of the water.

It was case related then.

"Uh, yeah." He cleared his throat. "Sorry Javi, still here. I'll, I'll tell Kate." He murmured, his voice resigned, his eyes fluttering closed. "Thanks."

He hung up and slipped her phone into his pocket before removing his shirt. He undid his belt and pushed both his jeans and boxers down to the floor and nudged at Kate's shoulder until she leaned forward enough for him to slip in behind her.

Once he was settled, he pulled he back to rest against his chest and wrapped his hands around her, resting his palms against the bottom most swell of her stomach, right where their child was currently playing. He always knew exactly where they were, it was like instinct and it never failed to amaze Kate.

"Is everything okay?" Kate asked gently; pushing his hands with her own into her bump, letting him feel their baby somersaulting, hoping to ground him, bring him back to her.

"They just got the call. From Lanie and dispatch." Castle's grave voice rumbled in her ear, against her back. "Lanie says that our killer injected Mellissa with Pitocin, the drug hospitals use to induce a woman's labour. That, coupled with the violent way Kerry's baby was taken, makes them lean more towards the killer keeping the babies for some reason."

Kate nodded slowly. "Makes sense. And dispatch?"

Rick sighed. "A young man, jogging by the river, found a woman's body." She felt him shake his head. "She had been sliced from the base of her bust line to her pelvis." Kate fought the urge to be sick at the thought. "She doesn't fit the pattern though."

"How so?" Kate asked, turning just enough so she could see him.

Rick shrugged. "She was wearing a wedding ring Kate. Neither Kerry nor Mellissa were married. I was sure that was our connection." He sounded so disheartened.

Kate kissed him softly. "Castle, we'll find him. We've succeeded on less and you know it."

He sighed again and tenderly stroked across the biggest part of her belly. "I know we will. I just, I hate the thought of him out there, targeting very pregnant women, when you're in that category. It makes me nauseous even thinking about it Kate. I, I would never forgive myself, never recover, if anything happened to you or our little miracle."

Kate smiled and cupped the back of his palm in her own. "Nothing is going to happen to us. You know why?" He shook his head, his eyes wide and fearful, looking so much like a little boy that her heart broke just a little. "Because you're the most important thing in my world, you and our baby, and I would never do anything to endanger either of you. I also have a whole precinct of cops who think of me as family and you at my back. I'm the safest woman in the city right now Rick."

He nodded slowly. "I know, I do, I just..."

Kate nodded. "I know. But let's not think about it okay? Let's just try and relax for the few hours we have with each other. Ryan and Espo won't get any further than collecting the body and canvassing the scene this late at night and we'll be there fresh, bright and early, tomorrow morning to help them find this son of a gun right?" He nodded, smirking at her baby proofing her language already. "Now, you gonna help me scrub my back, or what?"

Rick smirked and sucked quickly on the juncture between her neck and her shoulder, making her shudder as a moan tumbled from her lips. "I was thinking 'or what' personally." He husked. "You up for that Detective?" Kate shuddered again, exactly the reaction he knew he'd get when he called her detective while pressed naked against her skin.

She nodded slowly. "I think I could manage that." She practically purred. "Maybe not in the tub though. I'd like to have more room tonight." It was Castle's turn to moan as he gripped Kate's waist and kissed her hard even as he pulled the plug on the tub.

They spent the next hour or so, reaffirming their love for each other. Both knew they were using sex as a coping method to deal with the images this case had given them, but neither minded. They were both perfectly happy to be used by the other in this way.


	6. Chapter 5

Kate walked into the precinct the next morning with a backache and a heavy heart.

She was getting a bad feeling about this case; Castle's anxiety was starting to rub off on her.

His constant worrying about how alike she was to their victims was troubling.

She truly believed in what she had told him- that she was the safest woman in the city- but this was her baby they were talking about. That was something she couldn't risk.

She found herself, as she perched on her desk and looked over their newest victim's picture on their murder board, inordinately happy that she was leaving at the end of the day.

Castle gently pressed his warm palm into the base of her back, relieving some of the pain, and she let herself lean back into his touch for a moment. The precinct was quiet, it was still early, and if anyone knew what it was like to be the size of a house, they wouldn't begrudge her this modicum of comfort.

"I'm almost certain Gates wouldn't mind if you took an extra day Kate." Castle murmured, gently massaging the base of her spine. "Especially with this case, say the word Beckett and I'll..." he stopped when she turned to face him.

"Do you really think, if I couldn't handle it, that I would be here? Do you really trust my judgement so little?" Kate asked hurt coating her words. She was emotional enough without him doubting her. "I need you to support me, Rick, not question my very being here. I know you can't wait to have me barefoot and pregnant in your kitchen but even _you_ can wait twelve hours."

Rick's posture stiffened, Kate watched it race through all of his muscles, but his hand never moved. "Kate, I know you're stressed..." he murmured but Kate was in no mood to be mollycoddled.

"Really? You know what it's like to be eight months pregnant, do you? You know what it's like to have your insides beaten up by the baby in your womb? Know what it's like to see you body change into something that resembles an over inflated pool toy and know there's absolutely _nothing_ you can do about it? You know what it's like to worry _every, single, day_ if you're doing it all wrong, or if the baby's okay, because they're not moving as much as they were the day before? You know what all that's like, do you?" Tears were pooling in her eyes and the pain in Rick's only made it worse.

"No, Kate, I don't." Rick murmured softly. "But I know you."

Kate bowed her head, unable to stop the tear trailing down her cheek.

She was hot and uncomfortable, not to mention stressed out of her skin and more than ready to meet their baby. In short, it was a bad day. And to top it all off, with their third victim, she officially had a serial on her hands.

"Kate, Sweetheart, what do you need me to do?" Rick asked carefully.

Kate pulled herself up to sit straight before turning to her boyfriend, professional mask back in place and intact. "I need you to go home."

Rick shook his head immediately. "Nope. Not gonna happen. Pick something else."

Kate sighed. "Rick, please? Just, let me get through today, only having to think about being a detective and then, you can come pick me up, and bug me about finalising baby names all the way home, and then, we'll spend the next year watching our angel grow. But please, just for the next few hours, give me this?"

Castle shook his head again before Kate took his hand, her eyes pleading.

He could see how much she needed this, her snapping at him had been clue enough, without the sheer film of tears still lurking in her forest irises.

"I don't like this, especially with this case."

Kate nodded. "I know. But it's not like I'm gonna leave the precinct for more than lunch or a break."

He couldn't deny that if anywhere was safe in the city from this nut bar, the 12th was probably it.

"And aren't you behind on your last chapter? Weren't you saying you wanted to book finished before the baby was born?"

He couldn't deny that either. "I'm still not happy."

Kate nodded. "I know."

"You've gotta promise to call me. If anything happens and I do mean _anything_ Kate. You get a twinge, you call me. You get a lead, you call me. You get lonely or bored, you call me."

"I use the bathroom, I call you. I get it. I promise. I'll call." Kate smiled gratefully. "Thank you Rick."

"Mhmm." Castle hummed unhappily. He kissed her quickly and smoothed his hand down the middle line of her bump before collecting his things and making his way back home.

Kate, meanwhile, got settled in her chair and made a start on their latest victim's financials.

She would have this case solved, or at least pave the way for its completion, before she left today if it killed her.


	7. Chapter 6

Rick was typing so furiously he missed it when his phone rang the first time. The second, he was getting a glass of water from the kitchen while his cell sat on his office desk. The third, he was in the bathroom. The fourth call however, he caught.

The boys rarely called him while Kate was at work- more often than not, just asking her to text him whatever it was they needed to say- but it wasn't unheard of. So, Castle didn't think anything was amiss until he answered the phone.

"Hey Ryan, what's up?" He asked cheerily.

There was a colourful curse from the other end of the phone, the voice undeniably the Irish man's partner, before Ryan started talking. "Is Beckett with you?" The younger man's scarily calm voice immediately put the writer on edge.

"No, why? She's at the precinct, where are you?"

Another curse filtered through the line, less obscene, more desperate, and Castle was pretty sure it came from mild mannered Kevin Ryan. If he wasn't already on high alert, that would put him there.

"Castle, you need to come to the station."

"Why? Where's Kate? Has something happened? Is Kate alright? Where is she?" The questions were asked in such quick concession that Ryan had trouble keeping up.

"Rick." His first name from Kate was still weird enough, from Ryan it was terrifying. "Just, come to the station please. Kate's gone missing."

Castle dropped the phone as terror ripped through his veins. He knew leaving her alone was a bad idea. He knew his feelings for this case weren't unjustified. He knew something like this would happen.

Without a second thought, he snatched up the phone, grabbed his jacket and sprinted out to the street for a cab; he was in no state for driving.

If anything happened to Kate or the baby, his _family, _he would never forgive himself.

_**KBRC**_

Ryan met him at the elevator, solemn eyes, hand tousled hair like he'd been running his hands through it. He was scared, anyone could see, and it set Rick's heart sinking.

"When did you notice she was, uhh, gone?" He asked unsteadily as they walked towards their team's cluster of desks.

Ryan shot him a wary glance. "She went for lunch, about an hour ago."

Castle stopped dead and spun to face his friend. "You let your colleague, your _friend, _go to lunch by herself, while she's two weeks off her due date?! Not to mention the _fucking psycho_ targeting women in a category that was basically made for her?!"

"Kerry was blonde." Ryan reminded him sheepishly.

"Yeah, because their hair colour was really what I was referring to." Rick shot back sarcastically.

Ryan dropped the writer's gaze.

Rick ran a quick hand back and forth across his head, blowing out a frustrated breath. "Sorry." He murmured.

Ryan shook his head. "Dude, if it was Jenny and Ben, you think I'd be any better?" He gripped the elder man's shoulder quickly. "But we'll find her. Come on, Javi's tracing her on traffic cams."

_**KBRC**_

Kate had disappeared around three blocks from the 12th.

No camera picked her up again.

They had tech do a search for her, but it was like she had just dropped off the planet. No other camera in the city- traffic, security or commercial-picked her up again.

Castle sat at Kate's desk, cradling the picture Martha had taken when they had first told Alexis about the baby.

Kate was sat in the middle, holding their scan picture up for the camera, with Alexis and Castle sat either side of her, all three of them beaming.

It had sat on her desk, pride of place, from that day forward.

She couldn't be gone.

She couldn't just disappear like that.

It isn't possible for anyone to not get picked up on at least one camera. Let alone someone as striking as Kate. She attracted attention wherever she went, turning heads even at nearly nine months pregnant.

"Come back Baby." Castle husked mutedly, gently stroking her smiling face beneath the glass with his fingertip. "Come home. Come back to me. Bring our baby home safe Kate."

_**KBRC**_

Kate jerked awake as pain ripped through her abdomen.

Her maternity jeans were missing, replaced by only a towel to protect her modesty. She was groggy but aware enough to know she wasn't anywhere familiar.

"Hello?" She croaked with a voice rough enough to make her wonder how long she'd been out.

Another wave of pain tore through her, enough to elicit a sharp cry from her throat.

From somewhere behind her, Kate heard footsteps closing in hard and fast.

She couldn't help the tremble in her hands, the spike in her heart rate, the fear that went to war with what could only be contractions to push her body to its limits.

Out of nowhere, a soft, but by no means kind, voice penetrated her senses, just as the glint of lamp light reflected off metal drew her attention squarely to the knife in her captor's hand.

"Glad to see you finally awake, Kate." The voice murmured. "Wouldn't want you to miss the festivities."


	8. Chapter 7

Author's Note-If you could answer the poll on my profile (or just let me know in your review) whether you think Kate should have a boy or a girl, it'd be much appreciated. Also, this chapter is for Alexa and everyone who has decided to trust me to get them through this. NYLF xx

* * *

Somewhere in the distance, Kate could hear a baby crying. That brand new cry she knew could only belong to a child only a few days old.

Something deep in the recesses of Kate's brain relaxed. At least if he killed _her_, there was a chance they would find her baby.

It wasn't ideal, she knew what it was to grow up without her mother, but any chance their baby got was good enough for her.

And at least Rick would have something to remember her by.

"Who are you? What do you want with me?" Kate husked, pain colouring her words as her muscles contracted painfully. "I am an NYPD detective. You are detaining me illegally; they'll throw the book at you."

"Now, now Kate. There's no need for that." Her captor murmured as he rested his hand on her swollen stomach.

Kate moved, intending to wrench his hand off her, before discovering her hands were restrained above her head.

He scowled at her as the chains on her wrists rattled. "Stop squirming." He hissed. "The only thing you'll achieve is to make your wrists sore and wake the babies."

"What can you possibly need three newborns for?" Kate asked with a grimace. "Unless you're a creep who likes little kids? Or gonna make a profit off them?"

Kate's head snapped to the right, as his hand met her cheek with enough force to make the soft flesh on the inside, cut against the edges of her teeth. "Don't be so vile." He spat. "You have darkness in your soul, Kate, if that's your first thought. I'm _saving_ them. Not harming them."

Kate scoffed, unable to stop it. "Saving them? By ripping them from their mother's bodies? By taking them away from parents who love them? By keeping them here, in this dark, dank place, when they need light and help? Kerry Peters, the second woman you killed, her baby was a month off their due date. A month is a long time; they'll need medical support, oxygen..." Kate trailed off as her captor shook his head.

"He's fine. Took his first breath independently, has been doing so ever since."

"It was a boy?" Kate couldn't help but ask. It was the first thing John had asked when they told him Kerry was dead 'were we having a boy or a girl?' It had been up to Ryan to break the news that the baby wasn't with his partner.

"Yup, two boys and a girl." He nodded. "Will you make it three of a kind or two of each?"

Kate unconsciously looked down at her bump.

She had wanted to find out, had wanted that certainty when picking out clothes and colour schemes, but Castle hadn't wanted to. He'd told her it was up to her, it was her body after all, but had revealed, after gentle prodding, that that had been Meredith's argument, when she had gone behind his back and found out Alexis was a girl. He had admitted that he'd prefer the surprise. So she'd agreed to wait.

She almost wished she knew at this moment. At least if she knew, she could name them with his favourite name from their list, and know at least what her baby's name was before she died.

"I don't know. We never found out." Kate murmured thickly. God she wished Rick was here.

"No matter, I don't mind." Her captor shrugged, before unceremoniously reaching under the towel and thrusting two gloved fingers into her.

Kate cried out, pain and shock at his boldness.

He removed his fingers with a smile. "Nearly there."

Kate could have cried. "Why are you waiting? Why haven't you killed me yet?" She asked, despite a voice in her head, sounding suspiciously like Castle, asking why she was questioning him letting her live.

"How did you get the scar on your side?" He asked randomly.

Kate took a deep breath, knowing the longer she kept him talking, the better her chances of being rescued were. "I was shot. In the heart. My surgeon had to cut open my chest to save me."

He nodded slowly. "Does it hurt?"

"Not often. Occasionally it pulls."

"What do you do then?" He asked, taking a seat on a stool Kate hadn't noticed.

"Take a warm bath. Sometimes my," she swallowed, "my partner will massage it, or just put his hand across it when he, when he holds me."

"Why didn't you marry him?" The man asked with an almost childlike curiosity.

Kate chuckled thickly. "He never asked."

"And yet, you still got pregnant. It's not like you even fell pregnant accidentally, which isn't good in itself but still. You tried to get pregnant Kate. That's worse."

"Why? We wouldn't love our baby any more with rings on our fingers." Kate argued.

The man shrugged before standing and leaving the room, leaving Kate to suffer through the next contraction alone, wishing with everything in her, that Castle was here to see their baby into the world.


	9. Chapter 8

Huge fat tears were pouring down her face by the time he came back.

"What's wrong Kate?" He asked, Kate shocked at the actual concern in his voice.

She tossed her head from side to side. "Hurts." She croaked.

"So bad it makes you cry?" He asked, a taunting tone starting to slip into his voice.

"You ever give birth without any pain medication?" She growled.

He shot her a look. "Obviously not."

"Right then."

He chuckled. "Are you telling me that a big bad detective like yourself was actually planning on wimping out and using drugs?"

Kate shrugged. "I at least thought I'd have the father there to hold my hand." She murmured thickly, tears and pain clogging her throat, making her voice rise at the end of her sentence.

"You mean to break his?" He chuckled.

Kate cried out desperately. "Please!" She begged. "I need Castle! I need _something_!" She hated herself just a little for begging the man who had abducted her for anything, but fuck did this hurt. She needed her partner and she needed him now.

"Hold on Kate. Not long now." He tried to soothe her. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I wanna rip you head off!" Kate growled. Her captor took a step back, despite the fact Kate was restrained and in no position to make good on her threat. "Why are you doing this?" Kate sobbed, her contractions ebbing, her control deserting her.

"I told you Kate..."

"What did I do that's so wrong? What did we do that made you think you had to take them?" She asked frantically.

"You aren't suitable..."

"To raise my child? I love them! I tried for a _year_ to get pregnant. From the moment I found out that I was, I was so careful. I did everything right, took every vitamin I was told to, refrained from anything that even '_might'_ harm the baby. I tried my best to keep them safe. Because I love this baby more than life itself and would do _anything _to make them happy and safe. I would lay down my life in a heartbeat if it meant they were safe. What part of that makes me 'unsuitable'?"

She was sobbing by the end, her voice hoarse from the effort. "Please let me go. Please. Just let me have my baby somewhere safe with my partner by my side. I will prove to you how good a mother I will be."

He shook his head. "I can't let you go Kate. I'm letting you have this baby naturally. I'll let you hold them too if you stop making threats and just behave and do this quietly like a good girl. Then I'll take them into the other room and I'll make it quick for you." His calm caring tone sent shivers down her spine. "I'll make sure he finds you. Mr Castle will find you very quickly once it's over. And your baby will be happy and safe Kate, I promise."

Despite his almost kind tone, the promises to make this as least terrible as possible, Kate was scared. She curled in on herself as much as possible with her hands restrained above her head. "It's okay Honey." She murmured softly to her stomach. "Momma will make it all better. Momma will keep you safe Angel, I promise."

"What are you doing?" Her captor asked, curious and furious in equal parts.

"Shhh, I know you're scared, I am too Baby, but I'll get you out of here. I'll make sure daddy gets you home Sweetheart." Kate continued, blocking out everything but the feel of her own body. She could feel her womb contracting, getting ready to expel her child and she begged it silently to slow down.

"Are you," he dropped his voice to a murmur, "are you talking to the kid?"

Beckett nodded. "Whenever I was stressed, they would kick more. If I settled, so did they. He or she is in tune with my emotions. If I am scared, and can see and hear what's going on, they must be terrified."

He came around, bored of watching her back. "Kate?"

She couldn't help looking up at him, the almost regret in his tone garnering her attention.

"Do you have a name?"

Kate shook her head. "We, we were still deciding. We have a short list, about five on each side so perhaps short isn't the correct descriptor." She chuckled thickly. "I think we both wanted to wait and see them before we decided for definite."

He nodded slowly, his eyes drawn to the swell of her abdomen.

"The baby girl though." She started shyly. He looked up at her face and nodded. "Her parents wanted to call her Pippa."

"What about the others?"

Knowing it was an odd line of conversation, but one that could be drawn out, she continued it.

"Kerry and John didn't know what they were having, didn't share what they had decided as possibles. If they had decided at all that is. Lucy Oliver, your third victim, she knew she was having a boy. She and Freddie wanted to call him Caleb." A thought struck Kate. "'She doesn't fit the pattern'." She murmured to herself.

"What was that?"

"'She doesn't fit the pattern. She was wearing a wedding ring, Kate. Neither Kerry nor Mellissa were married. I was sure that was our connection' that was what Castle said to me when we found Lucy's body." She shook her head. "He didn't understand. If Lucy was married, what was your motivation for taking the babies?"

"She's not married." Her captor snarled. "Wearing a ring, a blessing in their back garden?" He scoffed. "Doesn't count."

"But Castle was right, wasn't he? She didn't fit the pattern. Because she, in her eyes and that of her friends and family, she was married."

Again her captor scoffed.

"What made you change your MO?" Kate asked, determined to get all the facts whether she got a chance to convey them or not. Call it morbid curiosity, but she had to know.

"You mean what made me change from triggering labour to removing the baby surgically?"

Kate nodded, despite the need to point out that butchering didn't count as surgery, burning its way up her throat.

"Pitocin took too long. Mellissa suffered for three hours before her body finally gave up her baby."

"When we found her, she had been missing for four." Kate pointed out quietly, the contraction forcing its way through her body robbing her of any volume.

"It took her awhile to wake up. Chloroform." He added, anticipating her next question. "You were knocked out with it too."

Kate nodded.

"Didn't you realise something was wrong? You went into that restaurant Kate and didn't notice me following you? Didn't realise I had you right where I wanted you? That tiny place with only two exits."

Kate could have kicked herself but he was right.

She had been complacent. She hadn't checked. She hadn't even told the boys where she was going or when she'd be back.

"I didn't think I needed to." She murmured truthfully. "What, uh, what happened? I, I don't remember it."

She couldn't handle the blanks in her memory. It was too reminiscent of the first hour post surgery.

She'd only started remembering things when her dad had come in. Remembered it all by Castle's visit. But she couldn't handle the gaps.

"I followed you to the bathroom. You'd ordered and then asked if you could use their bathroom. Obviously, in your, condition, they wouldn't say no. You walked in, did your thing, and were washing your hands when I walked up behind you and put my hand over your mouth. The chloroform knocked you out pretty quickly and I dragged you out the back exit and into the van. Your water broke on the way here by the way. I took it as a sign that I should just leave you to deliver naturally."

Kate nodded slowly, too slowly, like her head was too heavy to hold.

"Are you okay?" He asked quickly.

"I, I don't feel so good." She slurred deliriously.

He moved quickly to the end of the table, just in time to see the blood seeping from between her legs.

Her vision swam, her senses drowning, her thoughts only on her baby.

Just before the blackness swallowed her, Kate was almost certain that she could hear Rick's voice, his graveside confession playing on a loop around her before it all faded to nothingness.


	10. Chapter 9

Kate woke with a start.

She didn't see her surroundings at first, didn't hear the ambient noise around her.

Her focus was drawn solely to her own body.

Her no longer pulsing womb.

Her flat stomach.

Fear gripped her heart in the tightest of vices, as tears burned the back of her eyes and throat.

He'd done it.

He'd taken her baby and then he'd be back for her.

She couldn't stop herself from wrapping her arms around her, now much smaller, abdomen as shame and hatred went to war within her.

How could she let this happen?

She let a man follow her into a bathroom but didn't notice him?

She allowed herself to get taken because she was foolish and careless and now her baby was gone and she was going to die.

She kind of hoped Rick would hate her for this.

If he still loved her after this, it would break his heart. His second child, their precious miracle angel, ripped from their arms before they got settled in them.

His girlfriend lying face down in the river for him to find like some sick treasure hunt clue.

He'd never stop. She knew that for absolute fact.

He would never stop looking for the man who killed her. Never stop looking for their child.

She couldn't help but wonder how Alexis would cope with all this.

The poor girl had been put through enough at the detective's hand, without her now taking her father and baby sibling away from her.

With her brother or sister missing, she'd never get the closure of laying them to rest. To know that they were at least safe from harm. And with her own death, Rick Castle's life would be turned on its head.

If she didn't know him so well, she'd worry how conceited that sounded, but she did. She knew he would never stop hunting for justice for her. This would be his own personal rabbit hole.

Diamante tears trickled down her cheeks at that thought.

She'd done this to him. She'd turned him into her. And now, he would have to live with her death hanging over him like a heavy winter coat.

She doubted he'd ever be the same after this.

Would her recover? His baby and his partner taken from him?

She wished to everything that was holy that he had asked her.

At least they would have had that. At least he could look down at his ring every day and know it had been real.

Would he have worn her wedding ring as she did her mothers? Would it have been his own cross to bear?

Kate curled into the foetal position as she shook, wracked from head to toe with sobs, and waited for him to come back.

Waited for death to take her.


	11. Chapter 10

"Kate?" A familiar voice asked hesitantly.

Alexis, her brain provided.

Great.

Now she was hearing her stepdaughter in her head as well as her partner.

Silent tears seeped through her closed eyelids.

"You awake yet?" Alexis' voice was closer than before.

Kate barely dared to hope but opened her eyes just the same.

There, stood before her like a glass of water to the man who crossed the desert, was her beautiful stepdaughter, the deep blue scrubs setting off her hair like a flame.

"Lexis?" Kate asked croakily.

The girl immediately fetched a cup of water from the table beside Kate's bed and offered it to her.

Kate sat up gingerly and took the cup gratefully, cool refreshing sips making their way down her throat.

"You know where you are?" Alexis asked slowly, softly.

Kate shook her head, now utterly confused even as her surroundings filtered into her universe. The room was white and well lit now, she was laid on a bed not a table, and the window was open letting a light breeze float through.

"You're in hospital, Kate." The young woman answered just as Kate's own brain made the connection.

Kate's eyes snapped to the blue that were so similar to her fathers. "The baby?" She begged frantically.

Alexis smiled gently. "He's _okay_ Kate."

Tears once again filled her eyes but these were for an entirely different, yet similarly overwhelming, emotion. "He?"

Alexis nodded.

"Where is he? I wanna see him. Can I see him?" She begged.

Alexis nodded. "You can Kate. In a few minutes. The doctor just needs to do a quick check and then you can see him."

Kate hesitated before nodding reluctantly. "You sure he's okay?"

The younger woman nodded. "He's perfect Kate. And beautiful."

_**KBRC**_

"What happened to me?" Kate asked confusedly once the doctor had checked her over and asked if she had any questions.

"Your body went into labour before your due date, but not far enough off it to be considered pre-term, due to the inordinately high levels of stress it was put under by your abduction." He started softly.

His kind face and soft tone took out any fear that would have otherwise lingered.

"As such, you should have been monitored closely in a medical setting with trained professionals around you. Obviously, that didn't happen.

"You also suffered what is known as a placental abruption. That means the placenta came unattached from the lining of your womb. That's why you started bleeding.

"This could have been caused by one or several of many things. We believe in this case, stress related high blood pressure and any, and all, physical abuse or mistreatment could have been the cause. If I can be frank?" He waited for her nod before he continued. "You _should_ have died, Kate. You were bleeding for, from what we can gather, at least ten minutes before you were found and that is before you consider your ambulance ride and trip to surgery."

"Did it hurt my baby?" She asked nervously.

The doctor smiled softly as he shook his head. "Baby Boy Beckett is in good health. He is a little on the small side, but not so much that it's concerning. His lungs are fully developed; all of his vitals look good. He's healthy Kate. And he's _safe_ now, you _both_ are."

Kate nodded gratefully, bowing her head to hide her relieved tears.

"I'll send him in Kate." The doctor promised with an, unprofessional but welcome, squeeze to her shoulder. He opened the door and stepped through it just as Kate managed to whisper her thanks.

Her baby, her _son_, was okay.

* * *

Author's Note-Better? In the next chapter we meet Baby Boy Beckett and piece together what happened between her passing out and her waking up in hospital. NYLF xx


	12. Chapter 11

Author's Note-Hey, my internet has been down for the past week, so anything during that week I couldn't help-lack of updates, replies and the such-anything before that was on me. However, extra long chapter to make up for it :D. I couldn't find a place to stop it so I left it long. Anyone with Baby Boy Beckett name ideas, please feel free to send them. I don't actually know what I'm gonna call him yet. Anyway, I hope this is the reunion everyone was hoping for and I hope it explains some things. NYLF xx

* * *

Kate tilted her head to the ceiling, unconsciously counting the tiles above her as she tried to piece together what had happened. She remembered her captor saying she wasn't suitable to raise her baby, remembered him telling her what had happened to her and the others, remembered hearing Rick's voice telling her he loved her as she laid bleeding before she passed out, although she was pretty certain that was her imagination. From there though, it was all a blank.

She sighed deeply, more than a little bored of having no memory of what had happened to her, when she heard the door reopen and someone sigh in the purest form of relief. Rick. She'd know that man anywhere.

She tilted her head forward and saw Castle stood in the doorway, tears in his eyes, a tiny blue bundle in his arms. Their son.

"Hey Honey." Rick husked, his smile growing as he watched her chest rise and fall, looking at Kate as if she was the most wondrous thing he'd ever seen, even worse than he normally did. "How you doing? Honestly, I step out for _ten minutes_ and you wake up. It's like you were just waiting for me to leave." He shook his head in mock disappointment and Kate couldn't help but smile.

"Never." She whispered, her voice thick but passionate, fervently denying that as tears beaded down her cheeks.

"Alright to come over?" He asked carefully, not knowing if she was fully aware of everything yet, not knowing if she would even be comfortable around him yet.

Kate sobbed at his hesitance and held out her arms to him. She needed him. Needed to be held by him, to know for absolute fact that he was here and he was real.

Castle quickly took the hint and crossed the room in huge strides before sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. He shifted their baby safely into the crook of his arm and held out the other to Kate, letting her take the lead. She flung herself into the wall of his chest, knowing he'd catch her, and let him pull her close. He sighed in relief at having her in his arms, being able to feel her heart beating against his own.

Kate sobbed against his chest, gripping his shirt as tight as she could with both hands, not registering the pain she couldn't place, afraid if she were to let go he'd disappear.

"I was so scared." Kate whispered, never afraid of showing her weakest side to him.

Castle buried his nose in her hair and breathed her in deeply. "I know the feeling, Baby."

"Marry me." Kate begged, pulling back to see his face. She tried to not let the shock she found there hurt. "Please Rick. I need, I need you to say yes. I need that permanency. I need..."

Rick cut her off with the softest kiss he'd ever given her. "Mother has my jacket." He told her seemingly randomly once he'd pulled back far enough to rest their foreheads together.

"I don't..." Kate started, confusion furrowing her brow.

Rick shook his head, cutting her off again. "I have your ring in my jacket pocket Kate. I was gonna ask you when you woke up. I need you too Beckett."

Kate sobbed once more and buried her face in his chest again.

A quick, sharp cry gained Kate's attention, their son not appreciating being squashed between his parents, no matter how happy the reunion. Rick tilted his head to see the baby, gently hushing him, while Kate watched on in awe. Alexis was right, he was _beautiful_.

"Is he okay?" Kate asked quietly, her eyes flicking over him greedily; desperately seeking reassurance that he was really here, really safe in the arms of his daddy. Scores of doctors could tell her, that didn't mean she'd believe them before she could see her baby boy for herself.

Rick smiled softly and tilted his arm so Kate could see the angelic face of their boy, delighting in the softening of her eyes, the gentle smile turning her lips. "He's so perfect Kate. He has your eyes, my nose, he's absolutely perfect."

She nodded slowly, tentatively holding out her hand to touch him but stopping before she made contact, letting her palm hover a few centimetres above his tiny chest, rising and falling in a steady quick rhythm. "Can I, can I hold him?" She asked shyly, sounding much younger than she was, so unlike herself.

"You're his mom Kate." Castle reminded her softly, joining her in watching their baby breathe. "You don't have to be shy around him. He has no teeth yet Kate, he can't bite." He tried to reassure her. "You ready?"

Kate hesitated for a second before nodding, a pleased little girl smile finding its way to her mouth at the thought of holding her son for the first time. Her partner smiled back before skilfully getting a better grip on the bundle and shifting him into Kate's waiting arms.

She tensed, trying to make her weary muscles support her son but it just wasn't working. Her arms shook, overworked from being held above her head for so many hours. She looked to Castle desperately, hating that she couldn't even hold her son.

Rick, obviously, noticed immediately. "Here, scoot down."

Kate nodded and slowly moved down the bed, wincing as muscles she didn't know she had protested at the movement.

Careful not to jog or hurt her, Castle slowly slid in behind her, carefully swinging his leg over so he was straddling the bed, and pulled her back into his chest. He slipped his arms around her, taking her bandaged hands in his own, using his own arms to help her hold him up.

Kate relaxed back into his body, feeling safe for the first time in hours and finally looked down at their baby. Now she knew she could support him, she could take in each minute detail of their baby boy.

"Hey, Cutie." She husked gently, trusting Rick to help her hold him with one arm as she moved her other hand to gently trace the bridge of his tiny nose.

His Castle nose.

Her finger followed his philtrum, across his tiny Cupid's Bow, his mouth softly pursed in his sleep, around his chubby cheeks, pink and warm under her fingertip, over his silky soft forehead, before her hand gently peeled back his cap, revealing a full head of dark caramel, baby-soft hair. "I'm your momma. Yeah Baby, I am. I'm your momma, Baby Boy." She felt Rick's breath stutter behind her. She smiled softly, looking down the length of her son's miniscule body before she noticed the white gauze encasing both of her hands. "What happened to my hands Rick?"

"You put your nails through your palms while you were in labour, at least that's when they thought you must have. Not deeply, your nails aren't long enough, but you broke the skin, made them bleed. They'll heal pretty quickly." He murmured against her ear, not wanting to break the bubbled they had created. He tightened his grip around his family on a contented sigh."You did so amazingly. I'm so proud of you Gorgeous. He's so beautiful."

Kate leaned her head back into him, comforting them both. "I'm so sorry you weren't there." She whispered brokenly, stroking her thumb back and forth over the baby's brow line while her palm cupped the back of his skull.

Castle shook his head. "I'm here now." He murmured thickly. "That's all that matters. I'm here now, and I'm never letting you go again."

Kate smiled, humming softly. The vibrations of her chest filtered through to their boy, making him flutter open his eyes.

"Hey, there you are little man." Kate cooed. "You do have my eyes Baby. My beautiful little man. We need to name you huh? You need a name as perfect as you are."

"I forgot our list." Castle sighed.

Kate chuckled. "You've had a lot on your mind Rick." She felt his breath hitch before he buried his face in the crook of her neck. She reached up and cupped the back of his head with her spare hand. "Hey, what's going on?" She asked caringly.

"I'm sorry." He husked tearfully. "It's just, I never thought I'd see you again."

Kate turned her head into his, holding his head between her own and her hand. "I'm right here. I'm here, we both are."

He nodded as he sniffed, fighting tears.

"You wanna talk about it?" She murmured, not sure she could help if he did but she knew better than to ask him to bottle this.

"The guys phoned me. Ryan called and told me you were missing and, Kate he swore, I don't think I've ever heard him swear."

Kate chuckled, she couldn't help it.

"And then we had nothing to go on. Your cell was turned off, you had vanished, you didn't tell anyone where you were going so we had nowhere to start..." he kissed her neck gently, reaffirming their connection. "You ever go walk about again and don't tell someone where you're going, I will tie you to our bed, you hear me?"

Kate chuckled. "Doesn't sound like much of a punishment Rick."

He kissed her again softly.

"How did you find me?" She asked, suddenly aware that if they hadn't had a starting place, it should have been near on impossible.

"Desk Sergeant King received a folded piece of paper, from a man in a black ball cap and sunglasses and was asked to give it to me. It had an address and the word hurry written on it. We followed the lead, didn't have a choice really. We found you. You were unconscious, and bleeding, and Kate I thought you were dead."

Kate stroked her hand through his hair, trying to offer him whatever comfort she could.

"Espo shot off your handcuffs and I carried you out to the ambulance Ryan had called when we heard a baby crying before we even entered the place. I came in the ambulance with you while the guys stayed behind, calling another ambulance and collecting evidence. The three infants were checked over and sent home with their dads."

Kate smiled softly. "I'm glad they got home safe."

Rick nodded, nuzzling her neck gently. "You were rushed straight into surgery. Emergency forcep delivery. You're gonna be very sore for a few weeks."

Kate nodded, she could already feel it.

"Alexis was on the team that met your ambulance. She was still on shift, assisting in theatre. She told the surgeon that she couldn't be in the room. That her stepmother was on the table." Rick smiled softly. "She then came and found me. From the moment you got out to about ten minutes before you woke up, I was here, holding your hand, watching you breathe. Alexis stayed with Little One."

Kate looked down at the baby, smiling widely when she noticed him watching them curiously, sticking his tiny pink tongue out at her.

"He's probably hungry." Rick murmured.

"How long was I out?"

"From surgery to waking up here, about two hours. Our son was born at six forty seven."

Kate smiled, letting go of Rick's head to tap the baby's nose, making him go cross-eyed for a second, causing both his parents to laugh.

"Do you wanna name him now?" Rick asked, gently stroking his fingers up and down the side of his son's blanket wrapped body.

Kate shrugged. "I'm just so glad he's safe."

Rick nodded. "So very glad." He agreed softly.

Their son started grizzling, turning his head into Kate's chest, rooting around making Rick smile.

"Definitely hungry." He chuckled. "You decided yet what you wanna do yet?"

Kate nodded. "I wanna give it a go."

Castle nodded, secretly pleased she'd agree to try breast feeding, before carefully helping her adjust her gown watching as she offered her swollen breast to her son and smiled brightly when he latched on first time and started suckling.

"Does it hurt?" Rick asked curiously.

"No." Kate murmured contentedly. "It just feels weird."


	13. Chapter 12

Rick watched over Kate's shoulder while she nursed their son.

Meredith, shockingly enough, hadn't breastfed Alexis. She hadn't wanted to put off working off all the weight 'the baby' had caused her to gain.

Kate however seemed to be a natural.

She supported the baby's head carefully in her elbow, cupping his bottom with her hand; her forearm along his spine with Rick's arm supporting him from underneath. She used her other hand to gently play with their boy's tiny fingers where they rested on her breast.

He loved motherhood on Kate Beckett. It was simply stunning.

"I like Owen." Kate murmured softly, not moving her eyes from her son's mouth as he drank greedily, his quiet snuffles calming something deep within her.

"Spelt e-o-g-h-a-n or o-w-e-n, because we discussed both." Castle asked softly against her ear.

Kate shrugged. "Part of me wants to name him something unusual. But the other part knows how annoying it is when people get your name wrong, so I don't want to put him through that his whole life. Plus, Espo will get jealous if we name him something Irish."

Castle smirked. "So o-w-e-n then yeah?"

Kate nodded. "It means little fighter, I thought, given the situations surrounding conceiving him and his birth... but that is only my suggestion. You don't have to agree." She mumbled nervously.

Rick studied her profile, trying to work out where this hesitancy was coming from, before he consciously decided to side step it. "We discussed maybe making Johanna a middle name if we had a girl. How about Joseph? It's a cute name and it would honour your mom."

Kate took a shaky breath. "You sure you don't mind?"

Rick shook his head decidedly.

"I, I want to put Alexander in there." She whispered. "For you, and Alexis, and because I was told that someone named Alexander would be important to me and even save my life. You did that too, but I kinda want him to have that. But only if you don't mind."

"What's going on, Kate?" He asked softly, no longer able to ignore her almost fear of asking him for something.

"Are we okay?" Kate asked hesitantly

"What do you mean?" He returned softly.

"I nearly got Owen killed. Nearly got myself killed. Nearly took half your family from you. I wouldn't blame you if you _hated_ me for that." She mumbled tearfully.

"I'm..." he hesitated before sighing deeply and telling her the truth. He couldn't lie to her, not now, not about this. "I'm angry, Kate. I'm angry you sent me away, angry you were _determined_ to work this alone. Angry that you then _left_ the precinct without _telling_ anyone or _phoning_ me. I'm angry you weren't more _concerned_ for your _safety_ or that of our _son_. I'm angry you put our son's _life_ in danger. Angry that you _still_ can't ask me for help." He ranted, his voice rising slightly but not enough to disturb their still feeding son.

Kate bowed her head, looking timid and terrified and so very small that it broke his heart a little.

"But I don't hate you." He murmured gently. Adjusting his hold slightly to squeeze her ever so gently. "Because our son is _fine_, you _both_ are. Because you did everything you could to keep him safe when it mattered. Because you fought for him." He shook his head. "I could never _hate _you Kate. I _love_ you. I may not like some of the _choices_ you make, but I _love _you."

Kate's shoulders trembled as she fought tears.

She felt Owen disengage from her breast and looked down at him to see his green/blue eyes slip closed, a contented sigh leaving his lips. She smiled softly before gently stroking her finger down his cheek.

"Can you take him?" She asked thickly.

Rick nodded and slowly got out from behind her, only leaving her to support Owen at the very last second, still not sure her arms were up to it. Once he was clear, he gently took the baby and let Kate get adjusted.

"Kate, Honey, I want us to put this behind us if we can. I want us to take him home and be a family. Can you do that?"

Kate looked up at him, stricken. "I..." she hesitated, dropping her eyes to her fingers fiddling with the edge of her blanket. "I don't want you to doubt that." She shook her head. "I know I haven't shown it very well in the last couple of days Rick, but you, and our son, our _family, _you're the most important thing to me in the _whole world_. I, I don't want you to ever question my loyalty, my, my _commitment_ to you both."

"And I never have Kate." He assured her quietly. "I know that we're important to you. I _know_ that."

He perched on the edge of her bed and gently took her hands in his own.

"Kate, not an hour ago, I said that I wanted to _marry_ you," he gently stroked her left ring finger with a reverence that had tears threatening again "to put a diamond on your finger. How is that me questioning your commitment? And Kate, you asked _me_. You asked me to marry you."

Kate nodded emphatically. "I meant it, Castle."

He smiled gently. "I know." He nodded.

"I'm sorry." She whispered as her eyes slipped closed. "I, I had a plan." She revealed slowly. "I, I wanted a water birth." She chuckled. "No idea why, but that's what I wanted. And I wanted you sitting behind me. Holding me. Whispering your support in my ear as I brought our child into the world." She cleared her throat. "I wanted that so much Rick."

"Hey, we can always do that with the next one." He tried to reassure her softly.

Her eyes snapped to his, making him chuckle.

"Too soon?"

Kate smiled as she nodded shyly. "At least let the stitches come out from this one, huh?"

Castle winced. "Yeah. They told me. Well, Alexis asked and she told me." He looked rather sheepish. "You had fifteen stitches."

Kate winced. "Jeeze. I didn't know there was that much down there to stitch."

Rick chuckled. "Neither did I, and I'm pretty intimately acquainted with that area."

Kate blushed. "_Castle_. Not in front of the baby." She admonished quietly.

Rick smiled brightly. "You think he couldn't hear you when we had sex, Kate?"

She groaned, laying her head in her hands, making him laugh.

"I love you Kate." Castle husked gently after a moment, gaining her full attention. "I'm so glad you're safe."

Kate smiled and took his hand, kissing his palm before laying it against her cheek, nuzzling into it, relishing the familiarity. "I will always do everything I can to come home to you, Rick. Always." She looked down at their son. "And Owen Alexander Joseph Castle." She looked up at him shyly.

Rick beamed. "Our son has a name." He murmured before lifting their sleeping boy up so he could look him in the face. "Welcome to the world Owen AJ."


	14. Chapter 13

Rick paced with Owen, keeping him entertained while Kate took a well deserved rest.

"Hey," Ryan's head peaked around the doorway as he whispered, "bad time?"

Castle smiled broadly, skipping his eyes to Kate's sleep slack face before turning back to the detective in the doorway. "Not at all, come on in. I'm sure Kate'll be up in a second."

Ryan smiled before slipping in and closing the door behind him. "How is she?" He stopped at the end of Kate's bed and watched as the woman he considered family slept peacefully.

"She's alright." Castle shrugged. "I think she's more shaken than she's telling me, maybe even more than she knows yet. She's just happy Owen's safe."

The Irish detective's eyes snapped to the writer. "Owen? She had a boy?"

Castle shook his head. "Sorry Ry, I forgot you didn't know anything yet. Yeah, a little boy, born at six forty seven, weighs four pound seven, seventeen inches long. We're calling him Owen Alexander Joseph Castle."

Ryan smiled brightly. "Little boy for Ben to play with. He'll like that." Castle smiled. "He gonna be a Castle then?"

Rick nodded with a goofy smile. "Yeah, Kate is too. We uh, we kind of proposed to each other when she woke up."

If anything, Ryan's smile widened. "I'm glad. You guys, after everything, you guys deserve to be happy."

Castle smiled brightly. "Yeah, I think so too." He looked over at Kate before looking down at his son. "You wanna hold him, Uncle Ry?"

Ryan blushed adorably and nodded, wiping his hands on his jeans as he did.

Rick chuckled and carefully handed over Owen, trusting his friend to keep his boy safe while he went to his fiancé's side.

"Hey, Kate?" He whispered, gently teasing a curl from her forehead. "Baby, Ryan's here."

Kate mumbled unintelligibly and rubbed her fist into her eye, looking perfectly adorable, making Rick smiled softly.

"Kevin's here?" She murmured.

"Yeah Sweetie. You wanna wake up and see him?"

Kate nodded slowly, accepting the arm around her shoulders Rick provided to help her sit up more fully. "Hey, Kev." She mumbled. "You got my baby?"

Ryan chuckled. "Yeah Kate, I got him. You promised I would."

Kate smiled. "I was the first person, beside Kevin and Jenny, to hold Ben. He made me promise then and there he would be the first to hold ours." She explained at Rick's blank look.

He smiled before shrugging. "First except me, Kate, every medical professional working in maternity..." he trailed off with a wry smile.

Ryan chuckled before making his way over to Kate and gently kissing her cheek. "Congratulations Becks, he's beautiful." Ryan looked down at the baby with a smile. "Yeah Little Man, you're such a little Cutie."

Kate smiled. "You approve then Uncle Kevin?"

Ryan blushed again. "Course I do. He's the product of my sister and one of my best friends."

Kate sniffed, postpartum hormones still doing a number on her emotions.

"Oh, Kate, I didn't mean to make you cry." Ryan hurried as Rick chuckled.

Kate glared at him and Rick kissed the top of her head gently. "Sorry Hon, but there's no need to apologise Ryan, she's postpartum, remember when Jenny was postpartum?"

Ryan nodded with a soft smile. Jenny had sobbed all through their visit simply because Kate had said that she looked amazing for having gone through fourteen hours of labour. She still hadn't quite forgiven her husband for _that_ experience.

"Where's Espo?" Kate asked quietly, her eyes drawn once again to her baby staring up at his Uncle.

"What, I'm not enough for you now?" Ryan asked cheekily.

Kate gave him a wan smile. "Not what I meant. Just curious. I thought y'know, birth of my first child, me safe and home, thought he'd be here." She tried to joke but neither man was ready. "Sorry."

"He's at the precinct." Ryan murmured, tracing his nephew's features with a gentle finger.

"Why?" Kate asked softly.

"He's tracing your, uh..."

"Kidnapper." Kate finished, not noticing Castle's flinch beside her.

"Yah, him." Ryan finished. "They found a fingerprint." Ryan averted his eyes from them both, studiously studying Owen.

"Where?" Kate asked slowly, unable to ignore the tension rising in her fiancé.

"On your bra strap." Ryan sighed.

Rick growled. "Are you telling me that sick fuck...?"

"_Rick!_" Kate admonished. "I was in _labour_ or perhaps you forgot that? He touched me inappropriately only to check how far _dilated_ I was."

Rick clenched his hand against her shoulder. When she looked up at him she noticed his blanched skin even as fire burned in his eyes.

"I, uhh, I haven't told you that bit, have I?" Kate stuttered.

Ryan shifted awkwardly while his friend's had a heated, silent eye contact session. "No, Kate you hadn't. That bastard..."

"Rick, please, I won't have you talking like this around our son. What has gotten into you?"

"Perhaps the fact that some psycho had his fingers _inside _my fiancé..."

Ryan's entire face flushed beet red.

Kate sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "I'm not having this discussion with you while you're in this state Castle. When you've calmed down, and when we are _alone_," she looked pointedly at a very red Ryan and their son, "we will have an adult conversation about it. Until then, how about we drop it in favour of letting Ryan meet his nephew and get to know him in happy circumstances, hmm?" She shot him a pointed look and Castle sighed.

"Sorry Ryan."

The younger man shook his head. "Don't worry. You've had more than most people have in a lifetime to deal with in the last couple of days. It'll get easier. Owen will help with that I'm sure."


	15. Chapter 14

Author's Note-Hey, sorry for the slight delay in posting, this chapter was fighting me until about an hour ago. However, I'm starting college again in like, seven hours, so updates may get less predictable. I'll try hard to keep them as frequent as I can though. I hope you enjoy this. NYLF xx

* * *

Ryan left a few minutes later, eager to escape the tension gripping the room. He passed Owen back to Rick and squeezed Kate's hand before saying his goodbyes.

Kate watched her fingers as they played with the gauze covering her hands while Rick stood tensely with Owen a good four paces away from her.

Owen soon started to protest at the tension rolling off his father in waves, crying his displeasure loudly.

Rick was close to tears himself as he rocked the boy, watching Kate stare at her lap, unwilling to fight him again to take Owen. He'd failed her again and now he was failing his son. Could he screw this up any more?

After a few minutes, a knock at the door interrupted their near standoff. Alexis waved shyly, waiting for Kate's smile and nod before entering the room.

"Hey Little Man." She cooed, going straight to her dad and lifting the baby from his arms. Both adults sighed, one in relief and one in regret, when he stopped crying immediately. "That's better huh?" She smiled at her little brother before turning to Kate. "I told he was beautiful, didn't I?"

Kate smiled weakly. "Yeah, you did. He's perfect."

Alexis watched as her step mother's eyes slipped from the two of them to her father, before dropping back to her lap. "I interrupted something, huh?" She asked perceptively.

"Nothing that can't wait." Kate murmured, hoping her fiancé would agree with the statement.

After a long moment, Castle nodded. "Kate's right." Neither he nor Alexis missed Kate's near silent sigh of relief. "We can get back to it later. How do you like your baby brother?"

Alexis smiled brightly. "He's gorgeous. Have you decided on a name yet?"

Kate nodded a little shyly; Alexis' opinion mattered to her. "Owen Alexander Joseph Castle."

Alexis chuckled, looking down at the boy staring up at her curiously. "And that, Little Man, is what they'll call you when you're in _really_ big trouble." She smiled brightly. "I like Owen. Owen Alexander. Owen AJ? Nah, Owen Alexander." She smiled up at Kate.

"Good." She murmured thickly. "I'm glad you like it."

Castle sighed deeply before making his way back over to Kate's bed.

After barely a second's hesitation, he perched next to her and pulled her into his side.

Kate sobbed and buried her face in his chest- holding on to his shirt- drinking in the physical comfort, hating that she didn't know when he would next hold her.

Alexis turned away, giving them a semblance of privacy while they had a moment.

Castle gently shushed his fiancé, holding her close, kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry Kate." He murmured thickly. "I'm so sorry Honey."

Kate merely buried herself closer. She had no idea what _he_ was apologising for. He had every right to be angry with her. She'd put them both in so much danger.

"Grams had to go check on an emergency at the school apparently." Alexis revealed quietly, knowing they needed a minute, but knowing they'd want to know. "She said she should be back in an hour or so. Oh, and you'll be staying in overnight Kate."

"How come?" Castle asked quietly, letting Alexis know she was welcome to turn around.

Kate hadn't left her place on her father's chest but she wasn't sobbing at least.

"Kate was dehydrated when she was brought in. Given that she was also put under a lot of stress, and because of her stitches, and the abruption, and because also, this _is_ your first baby. We'll keep her in overnight, under observation. She should be okay to go home tomorrow afternoon." Alexis smiled brightly.

"I'm glad you're here." Castle revealed softly. "I feel better with Kate being in here knowing that you were here to keep her safe."

Alexis shrugged. "It's not like I could help. All I did was fill them in about the things that weren't immediately available to them. Like that this was Kate's first pregnancy and that she was two weeks from full term."

Castle smiled. "Still. It put my mind at rest just enough to stop me following her into that theatre."

Kate pushed a butterfly touch of a kiss to his chest at the thought.

She knew he would do it too.

It wouldn't surprise her if he _had_ of held her hand hostage and refused to leave her side even in surgery.

That man of hers.

She always felt so special, so _privileged_, that _she_ was the one he loved.

Alexis smiled softly. "She'd do the same for me."

"In a heartbeat." Kate whispered without hesitation. "However, right now, I'd probably fight you for a cuddle with my baby."

Alexis chuckled. "No need Momma."

Kate smiled shyly as she pushed off of Rick to sit up properly.

She held her arms our eagerly, looking easily thirty years younger than she was, and Alexis happily relinquished her baby brother.

Kate held him closely, her eyes slipping closed as she breathed in her son's unique baby smell, memorising the soft weight of him in her arms, relishing the tiny snuffle he let out every fourth breath.

Her moment was interrupted as she heard the shutter sound of Alexis' phone's camera.

"No, Lex c'mon." She protested quietly, looking up from her arms to her, now slightly guilty looking, step daughter. "I look a right state you can't take pictures now."

"Hey." Rick interrupted briskly.

Kate jumped looking up at him, nervousness hiding just at the edge of her irises.

"You look _beautiful_ Kate." He informed her softly, watching her melt a little. "You always do. Never so much though, as when you're holding our son." He leaned in and kissed her softly. "I don't ever want to hear you put yourself down like that again, you hear?"

Kate nodded shyly. "I hear." She hesitated for a second or two. "I love you Rick." She murmured, not sure if she was allowed to say it again yet.

Rick smiled softly but genuinely. "I love you too Kate. More than anything else outside this room. And I always will." He assured her, his tone leaving her with no doubt as to his honesty.


	16. Chapter 15

Author's Note-I know it's been a while but college is killing me. Chapters are likely to be updated once a week if I'm lucky at this rate. However, I'll try to keep them as regular as possible. I hope you enjoy this chapter, a little longer to make up for my absence, and even if it sounds like it could be, this isn't the end. We have a few things to cover yet. NYLF xx

* * *

Martha slipped into the room while Rick and Alexis were taking Owen for a walk around the hospital, letting Kate relax for a few minutes, promising her they would be right back.

Kate's eyes travelled from the empty bassinette to the door when she heard the happy sigh of her almost mother in law.

"Hey Martha." She murmured, trying to push herself up with her hands before hissing in pain.

Martha rushed to her side. "Oh please, Katherine, don't move on my account Darling." They exchanged smiles, Kate's grateful and Martha's so very loving. "How are you feeling?"

Kate shrugged. "Okay."

Martha shook her head. "Katherine, I am more than half way through the movie, I have also been through childbirth." She shot the younger woman a look and Kate had the good grace to look chastened. "So, how are you feeling?"

"Childbirth hurts. Intimate stitching more so."

Martha smiled sympathetically. "I had to have a half dozen or so with Richard, that boy always had a big head."

Kate chuckled. "I needed fifteen."

Martha winced.

"Yeah. Emergency forceps. Too far gone for a c-section apparently."

"You did remarkably well Katherine. I've seen that boy of yours, he's stunning."

Kate grinned, a little shy, a lot proud. "I certainly think so. Did Castle tell you we'd named him?"

"He did, and my my Katherine what a name."

Kate chuckled. "We're sticking with Owen most of the time."

Martha smiled brightly. "How are you and my son coping?"

Kate tensed, something Martha didn't miss. "We're okay."

Martha shot her the same look from earlier and Kate shrugged, looking down at her hands.

The older woman perched beside her on the bed, gently taking her poor hands between her own.

"I just wish... he just keeps switching between so grateful I'm okay and so _desperately_ angry with me."

She shook her head, trying to ignore the thickening of her voice. "I, I wasn't even sure he'd reply when I told him I loved him. He loves our son- that much is obvious- but Martha, he blames me for putting us in that situation, I know in my heart that he does, and I don't _blame _him for it."

She shook her head, losing the battle against tears. "I just wish he'd hold me like I won't break and tell me that he loves me and that everything is okay."

Martha leaned forward and took the younger woman into her arms. "_I_ love you Katherine, and it _is_ all okay. You're safe, and Owen is with his daddy and everything else will sort itself out."

Kate gripped Martha's shoulders, sobbing into her chest while she rocked them both from side to side, hushing her crying daughter in law, whispering promises into her hair.

_KBRC_

Meanwhile Rick stood behind the door, Owen safely asleep in his arms, nearly in tears, as he listened to the love of his life sob through the door.

He'd been heading back anyway, knowing Kate still got anxious if she couldn't see Owen for any length of time, when he'd heard his mother ask how they were both coping.

He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but the sound of utter desolation and desperation in her voice had rooted him to the spot.

Had she really worried he wouldn't say it back when she'd murmured her love for him? And he wasn't angry at _her, _not really. It was the situation, it was the man that held her, the man who had taken away this time from them, Rick's own disappointment at not being at another of his children's births.

But not her, _never_ her.

He had to make this right.

_KBRC_

He pushed open the door with his free hand, his heart breaking when Kate shot upright and immediately tried to hide the evidence of her tears.

His mother looked pointedly between them and he nodded subtly.

"Hey Mother, want to meet your grandson?" He asked, forcing levity into his voice.

"Of course, come here Handsome." She cooed, taking the baby skilfully while Rick made his way over to the bed, kissing the top of Kate's head gently.

"Could you take him for a moment? I wanna talk to Kate." He asked.

Martha nodded and turned to leave when Kate found her voice.

"No." She pleaded, desperation thick in the single syllable. "Please, don't go. I, I need..." she trailed off, suddenly so self-conscious. She looked up at Rick but shied away from his gaze as he looked down at her. "Sorry." She whispered. "Sorry, Martha, please, take him."

But Martha shook her head. "Nonsense. Would you like him back Katherine?"

Kate looked back up to Rick quickly before nodding shyly.

Martha smiled and carefully slotted Owen into his mother's arms.

"Thank you." Kate whispered, pulling her son closer into her chest, resting her lips against his forehead, breathing him in.

Rick smiled sadly, hating that this experience had shaken the very foundations of who she was, made her so clingy and worried but also, that she was so very afraid of showing him this when she was so able just a few hours earlier.

"I'll go get a coffee, let you two talk. Call me if you need me? Either of you?"

Both halves of the couple nodded and Martha smiled before taking her leave, leaving Castle's jacket on the end of the bed with a sly look to her son.

_KBRC_

He could feel the tension in Kate the moment the door closed behind his mother, found himself surprised their son didn't wake at the waves of anxiety coming from his mother. But their boy slept on peacefully and Rick found himself ever so grateful to him.

"Kate," Castle started slowly, quietly, as he sat at the edge of her bed, watching her stare determinedly at their baby. "I, I reacted badly, before."

Kate gritted her teeth.

"I'm a guy Kate, and I'm well aware I can get possessive of you. So I think it's natural to be angry that someone else touched you. Especially so intimately, whether that was the intention or not, and _especially _when it was without your permission."

He gently stroked his index finger along the inside of her wrist.

"But I shouldn't have taken that out on you. Not like that, not today. I'm sorry I upset you, sorry I hurt you Kate."

She relaxed her jaw, but the rest of her stayed tense as an archer's bow so he continued.

"I'm sorry I made you feel as though you couldn't fight me. When Owen was crying because he could sense my bad mood and you wanted to take him, I know you did, but you didn't ask. You can always tell me if I'm wrong Kate, especially when it comes to our children. I may not like it, I may not always agree, but Kate, you're his mother. That means you get to decided too."

She hadn't moved and Rick knew this was his final attempt before he'd have to resign himself to letting her process alone.

"And mostly, I'm sorry I ever made you doubt me."

Kate lifted her head slowly to watch him, tears in her eyes that she refused to let fall.

"When you clung to me because you didn't know when I'd next hold you, when you flinched because I raised my voice, when..." he trailed off shaking his head. "I heard you talking to mother. You really doubted I'd say it back Kate?"

She dropped his eye line guiltily.

"I _love_ you Kate. I will _always_ _love_ you and _nothing, _will ever change that. I know I've reacted badly. I know I've hurt you. And I know it'll take some time for us to get through this, but Kate, love, never _ever_ doubt the knowledge that I love you and will say it at every opportunity. You're _safe_ in that Kate. Make that bet, it won't ever change."

Kate smiled shyly. "Then, would you kiss me? Would you sit with me like you did this morning and tell me again how everything is going to be okay?" Her tiny request hurt his very soul.

He leaned forward and kissed her in the single most tended kiss he'd ever shared with anyone before pulling back and slipping in to sit behind her.

"Everything will be okay Kate. Everything already is."

Kate settled back against his chest while he wrapped his arms around her, cradling both her and their son, and she couldn't have felt safer.


	17. Chapter 16

Kate fell asleep pretty quickly once she had cleared things with Rick. She leaned her head back against his shoulder and let her eyes drift shut, safe in the knowledge that he would support both her and Owen.

Rick breathed a sigh of relief. It felt like months since he had felt Kate's body go slack on his chest, when in reality, it was only this morning.

He rested his forehead against the top of her head and breathed her in. "Love you Kate." He whispered.

_**KBRC**_

After a few minutes, Castle heard his phone start to vibrate in his jacket.

Knowing both the boys were under strict orders to call him if anything happened with the case, he decided it was worth the risk to answer it.

Holding his breath, he carefully slipped out from behind Kate, laying her back on the bed and taking Owen from her chest, kissing his forehead gently before laying him in his bassinette and making his way over to his jacket.

He caught it on the last ring as he quietly closed the door behind him.

"Hello?" He hadn't checked the ID, knowing it was really only going to be one of six people.

"Hey Castle." Esposito's voice filtered through the line. "How's our girl?"

Castle smiled softly. "Okay." He murmured. "Little battered, exhausted, but she's okay." He heard the other man's sigh and it made his heart glad to see the care and love that surrounded his fiancé.

"Good. That's uh, that's good." Espo struggled to keep his voice steady. He'd wanted to cry ever since they had discovered Kate was missing and seeing the woman, he honestly considered his baby sister, handcuffed, basically naked from the waist down, bleeding and unconscious, had only made it worse.

"How's the case?" As eager as he was to spend time with his family, Castle knew he wouldn't sleep tonight without asking.

"Pretty good. We've got a couple of leads," he refused to mention the lead had come from Beckett's bra strap after the reaction Ryan had told him he'd had, "we're running them down, Captain's got half the floor on it. We look out for our own."

Rick smiled gently. He'd have to call Gates and thank her. "That's great."

"Yeah. Means I'm gonna be here for the foreseeable though. Don't really wanna leave till this guy's in Holding."

Rick hummed an affirmative answer, he knew the feeling.

"But listen, when's Kate being discharged?"

"Tomorrow afternoon, with a bit of luck."

"Cool. Text me, yeah? When you get home and settled? I'll swing by. Meet my new nephew."

Rick smiled broadly. "Owen."

Espo grinned. "Yeah, Ryan told me. Send 'em both my love, yeah?"

"Course. Thanks Javi. And pass that on to Kevin too. I couldn't have gotten through today without you, none of us could have."

Both men swallowed the lumps in their throats.

"She's family dude. You all are." The detective cleared his throat.

"Hey, Detective Esposito." Rick heard LT call through the phone.

"Got it." Espo replied before turning back to his phone. "Listen, I'll let you get back to Beckett and Baby but I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Looking forward to it." Castle replied. "But hey, Javi?"

"Yeah?"

"Call me yeah? When you get this guy?"

"Totally. See ya."

They disconnected and Javi got to work while Castle snuck back into the hospital room.

_**KBRC**_

Rick let himself back into the room, relieved to see Kate still sound asleep, curled into a ball on her side, facing their, also sleeping, baby, her hand under her cheek, the other balled beneath her chin.

She looked adorable. She always did when she slept if he was honest, not that she'd appreciate him saying so.

He shook his head at himself.

He'd spent so long trying not to frighten her, but she had been the one who had asked _him_ if they could start trying.

He remembered that conversation very well.

_Castle had been writing all day, inspiration having struck him at ten to five that morning. _

_It was now nearly seven at night and, while exhausted, he had finished the latest 'Heat' book and had just emailed it to Gina, when he heard the front door open and close. _

_He waited a few seconds, waiting to hear Kate's heels against the hardwood as she kicked them off, waiting for her to come find him as she usually did, but he heard nothing of the sort. _

_Instead he heard the soft thump of something hitting the floor, something that sounded distinctly like Kate. _

_He was on his feet and out the door in seconds. He hesitated when he saw her though. _

_She was slumped against the front door, knees curled to her chest, arms folded on top, head resting on her crossed forearms. And her whole body was trembling._

"_Kate?" He nearly whispered as he slowly crossed the room. He tried not to startle her, but it was pointless. Kate's head snapped up so quickly he was sure she must have cricked her neck. "What happened?" _

_Her eyes, vulnerable and watery, slid away from his before she dropped her head back to her arms. _

_Castle closed the gap between them and sank beside her. _

_Kate barely moved, but the slight tilt towards him was enough for Rick to gently loop his arm around her shoulders and pull her towards him, letting her lean against his chest. _

"_Sweetie? What happened?" He knew he shouldn't push her, but the look in her eye had frightened him and he couldn't just let her wallow in it._

"_What's it like?" She asked ever so quietly._

"_What's _what_ like?" He murmured back, stroking his fingers up and down her bicep. _

"_Being a parent?" The question was so shy that it hit him straight in the gut. _

_He gently laid the side of his head against the top of hers. "Alexis is the greatest thing I've ever done. Raising her wasn't easy but, _oh_, watching that tiny thing you held on the very first day, grow into this fantastic, fascinating, brilliant, multifaceted being. It's just, wow Kate."_

_She loved listening to him talk about being a father. He just glowed. _

"_You think I'd be any good at it?" She asked so quietly he almost missed it. When he heard it though, his heart broke for desperation to be reassured within it._

"_Have you seen yourself with Benjy? _Kate_, you're a complete _natural. _And you with your own kids? Wow Kate, they would be so very lucky to have you as their mom."_

_She pressed her head against his pectoral in thanks. _

"_What's this all about Kate?" He asked gently, unable to take the desolation running off her._

_Their nephew was almost six months old and watching Kate with him, you would never know that, as she admitted to him very quietly that first night as they drove to the hospital to meet him, she had never held a baby before. She was an absolute natural, having even Ryan hand the baby over when he cried at his last precinct visit. _

"_Ryan came back today and he couldn't stop talking about him y'know? And then we worked this case, a father of four found dead at his desk, it was a heart attack, worked too hard didn't sleep enough but Castle, his wife came in with their kids, to thank us for caring anyway. Her kids were fifteen, twelve and twin nine year olds, and obviously, they were distraught but, she said she'd get through it because she had her kids. No matter what life threw at her, she could handle it because of them. It, it just got me thinking is all." _

"_You'd be an amazing parent Kate. So, _so, _brilliant." _

_She turned to him slowly, lip caught between her teeth, a little girl shyness in her eyes. "You wanna try it with me?"_

He refused to let her potential fear rule their relationship anymore. They had Owen now, were engaged, well engaged to _be_ engaged until he had that ring on her finger to seal the deal. They would go home tomorrow and they would sit down and have a 'set the date' discussion. But first, they had to have a conversation about today. Because he couldn't have Kate carrying all this guilt around with her for very much longer.

He crossed the room and perched in the curve of her body, resting his hand on the middle of her back and kissed her cheek gently, rising to pick up Owen and then returned. His family was safe, and that was the best start.


	18. Chapter 17

Castle carefully slipped Owen into his car seat; tucking him in neatly and tapping his tiny nose with his fingertip before draping a blanket over the seat, to dim the light, in order protect his brand new eyes.

Kate watched on, smiling softly, as she packed her things back in her bag and checked one last time that she had everything.

"All set?" Castle asked, keeping a hand on the seat as he turned to smile at her.

Kate nodded. "Think so. You ready?"

"Yup, all set here." He smiled. "Time to get you on wheels, missus."

Kate glared at him, making him chuckle.

"Hey, it's hospital policy. Besides, I can't catch you if your legs give out while I'm carrying Owen. So I'd prefer it if you just sat in the chair."

Kate sighed but hooked her bag over one of the handles and slowly lowered herself into the wheelchair. Rick watched her, not hiding it, but letting her try it first.

Once she was settled she shot him a soft smile. "Got it."

Rick nodded. "I didn't doubt it. Just here if you need it."

Kate smiled before holding out both arms, making grabbing motions with her hands. "Gimme my baby."

"Alright, alright. Give me a sec." Rick chuckled. He quickly looked under the blanket to check on the baby, before grabbing the seat and sitting it on Kate's lap, ensuring she had a good grip before letting go. "Let's get you home, huh?" He murmured as he lifted the brakes and starting towards the open door.

"That sounds so good." Kate practically hummed, leaning back in the chair.

_**KBRC**_

It wasn't long before they reached the exit.

Kate laughed when she saw Daniel, their regular driver, stood leaning against the side of a town car with a blue sign, 'Owen Castle' written across it.

"Afternoon Daniel." She chuckled.

"Good afternoon, Ms Beckett. How are you feeling?" He asked, offering his hand to help her stand while Rick took the car seat and secured it into the base already set up in the car.

"Not bad all things considered. How's school?"

One of the things Rick loved about Kate was that she just _knew_ people.

She remembered all the drivers' birthdays, what they did outside of driving them, their families. She always had a kind word for their doormen, both Eduardo and Nick, the night doorman, no matter how tired she was. She'd even stopped asking them to call her Kate when it was clear they weren't comfortable with it, despite her own slight discomfort at the formality.

He loved her for it and he wasn't the only one.

By the time Castle had Owen situated, Daniel had helped Kate round to the other side and returned the wheelchair, so all that was left for Rick to do was slip into his own seat and they were on their way home.

Finally.

_**KBRC**_

Juggling the car seat, Kate's hospital bag and the loft key was an interesting balancing act for Rick, but he was more than happy to do so.

Even the walk through the lobby, after a smile and cheerful greeting to Eduardo, and then the walk from the elevator to the front door, looked to have exhausted Kate, so anything he could do to make her life easier he would.

She slowly made her way over to the couch once he'd opened the door.

Her stitches pulled, her arms still ached and she was still just a tad woozy.

All she really wanted to do was to curl up in bed with her family and sleep for the next week, but she couldn't do that just yet. He'd make her eat, insist on talking. Kate wasn't sure she could talk anymore.

"You want him?" Castle asked quietly once he'd dropped the bag beside the now locked door.

Kate nodded a little. "Please." Her whisper was vulnerable and sad and he could already hear the tears that were bubbling beneath the surface.

He quickly settled the car seat on the seat beside her and left her to it while he got her a drink of water. She probably needed food too.

"Hey Handsome." Kate cooed as she slipped the blanket off the car seat and settled it in her lap before un-strapping Owen. "Well Little Man, this is home." She murmured softly as she lifted their baby into her arms, pulling him into her chest. "Your room is upstairs but I think maybe I can convince daddy to let you sleep in our room tonight."

Owen just watched her, fascinated.

"Beautiful isn't she Bud, huh?" Castle asked the baby as he sat beside them both, setting the glass of water and strawberry jam sandwich on the coffee table.

Kate blushed softly before shaking her head, her eyes never moving from the baby. "I'm not hungry."

"Kate..."

"Please Rick okay? Don't start nagging yet." The speed of the transition between fine and begging worried him. "I'll eat when I'm hungry, I promise, I just..." she filtered off.

"Okay Kate, what do you _want_ to do?" He asked gently, settling his hand low on her thigh, his thumb making gentle sweeping motions on her knee.

"Sleep. I just wanna sleep Rick, please? Can we all just go to bed?" She turned watery eyes on him and the relief that flooded her features when he nodded floored him.

"Okay Sweetheart. Come on, let's all go get in the big bed and you can get some sleep."

"Thank you." She whispered as she rose slowly, keeping Owen safe against her chest, taking Rick's hand once he was stood and making her way towards their bedroom.

She could do all the heavy stuff later. She would talk until the cows came home if that's what he wanted but right now, all she wanted was to hold her son, be held by her fiancé, and just sleep for a little while.

She just wanted to sleep.


	19. Chapter 18

Rick watched as Kate slept, noting rather wryly that he seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

She was laid on her side, facing him, their hands intertwined across Owen's chest where he slept between them.

He was worried about her, that wasn't something he was afraid to admit. She had seemed fine when they left the hospital, tired but fine, and she had seemed to have gotten more tired as their day went on but she still seemed to be happy. But then, she just got closer and closer to tears.

He had no idea what was going on in her head but he wished with all his might that she would tell him. He just wanted to help.

His contemplation was interrupted by his cell.

Castle sighed before sliding out of bed and gently laying his pillow in his place so Owen wouldn't fall off if he rolled, not that he was expecting even the spawn of Richard Castle and Kate Beckett to have mastered rolling at less than a day old.

"Hello?" He asked from the doorway, wanting to be far enough away that he didn't wake Kate but still close enough to be able to see her.

"Hey, Castle man, how you doing?" Esposito's rushed but happy enough voice came through the line.

Rick smiled. "Hey Espo. I'm good, how are you guys?"

"Good. Everything's good here. Got a name, gonna bring him in later once we get a warrant."

Castle sighed in relief.

"How's Beckett, you all get home alright?"

"Yeah, everything went to plan. She's taking a nap right now. She's good." He wouldn't betray her and tell him that she was fragile and that he was worried. She wouldn't appreciate it and it would only make Espo more nervous.

"Still alright for me to come over later?"

"Course, when were you thinking?"

"End of shift? So like seven ish? As long as everything works out here."

Castle looked at his watch. Four o'clock. Plenty of time for them to talk and settle before entertaining visitors. "Sounds good. Text me when you're on your way and I'll order pizza. I don't think either of us is up for cooking right now."

"Not surprised bro. I gotta run but send my love to our girl yeah?"

"Of course. See you later Javi." They both hung up and Rick made his way back to the bed, setting his phone down on the bedside cabinet before moving his pillow and slipping back into bed.

"What's wrong?" Kate mumbled, neither moving nor opening her eyes.

Castle smiled. "Nothing's wrong. Espo just called to see if he could come see you and Owen later."

Kate hummed gently, low in her throat, before she opened one eye.

"Hey there sleepy."

She smiled adorably at him before reaching across their son for his hand again. "You have the kid next time, you'll be sleepy too."

He chuckled quietly. "Nope, you're far too good at it. Gonna leave that to you."

"Bet you wouldn't nearly kill them before they're born though." And it was the complete acceptance in her tone that undid him more than the words themselves.

He scooped up the baby and made it all of two steps before he heard her desperate cry.

"I didn't mean it. Please don't take him."

Castle turned to face her, was shocked at the panic scribbled across her face, the way she was sat up, leaning on one hand towards him.

"Kate, I was going to put him in his crib so we could talk..."

Kate shook her head desperately. "We can talk, I'll talk, but please don't take him."

"Kate..."

"_Please_, Rick." She husked.

Castle nodded and made his way back to the bed, letting Kate take Owen and gather him into her chest.

He watched with an aching heart as she closed her eyes and breathed their boy in. He wasn't going to take him far; she had to know that, right?

"Kate..."

"I'm sorry." She murmured. "I'm sorry Rick. I, I shouldn't, but he..."

Castle sat beside her and pulled her into his side, wrapping his arms around them both. "I wasn't taking him away."

Kate nodded.

"Only upstairs."

"I know."

"Sweetheart, what's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

Kate shrugged. "I failed him."

"No, _Kate_..."

"I was so _selfish_ Castle."

The turn in conversation startled him. "How were you selfish?"

"Please don't get me wrong okay, it's nice, in fact, I kinda love it but, you hover. Especially since I got pregnant. And I knew I was about to spend nearly a _year_ with you, day in day out, not to mention the newborn and, I just wanted one day. Just one day where you didn't need to know here I was at every second, where you weren't hovering, and making me feel kinda inadequate."

"Kate..." he interrupted. He made her feel inadequate?

She waved away his concern with her free hand.

"And so I sent you home. I wasn't going to be running leads. I was in a police station for heaven's sake; I was in the safest place in the city. But growing a baby makes you hungry. I needed to stop for lunch and I wanted a walk. I didn't tell the boys where I was going because I didn't know yet. I didn't tell them when I'd be back for the same reason. I was going to text them, and maybe you, once I'd decided, was gonna sit in the park and watch the world go by for a little while. Enjoy my last day for a while as Detective Beckett and just take a moment to _breathe_. To come to grips with the reality that I was going to be responsible for someone other than myself. Have to do everything for a brand new person, be the _world_ to someone. I just wanted _one more day_."

She closed her eyes and murmured something against Owen's head that sounded worryingly like an apology.

"I didn't even get to eat the food I'd ordered before my bladder interrupted my plans. And I mean, it's not like any decent human being is going to deny a heavily pregnant woman a bathroom break. I should have seen him Rick, I know that. But I didn't think. I just, I don't know, maybe I just wanted one day, even just an hour or two, not thinking the worst of everyone. To not know the horrors of our world. It was stupid. _I _was stupid. And I nearly got our son killed, and nothing short of you leaving me, could make me feel worse than knowing that."

"I'm never going to _leave_ you Kate." He assured her quietly.

"I, know." But she still sounded relieved.


	20. Chapter 19

Author's Note-Hey, this sounds like the end but it's not. Also, thank you theputz913, for your help on this chapter. I hope this is what you were looking for. NYLF xx

* * *

"I didn't know I hovered that badly." He decided to let her thinking he'd leave her go for now. One problem at a time. "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Because," she hesitated, staring down at the baby, mentally tracing his features, drinking him in, memorising him, "I like it most of the time. I mean it's frustrating when you turn off my screen to make me eat when I'm mid sentence and when you text the boys to make me eat when you aren't there but it, it just shows how much you care about me and I kind of loved it but..."

"But then you got pregnant." Castle nodded, taking his sleeping son's hand in his.

"We tried so hard. Eleven months we tried before we got pregnant and I know that we had that scare at five months with me bleeding and waking you up in a panic, so I understand the increased hovering. I got it and I appreciated it but, I'm an independent person Rick and having you as my shadow every moment of every day was a little, stifling." She confessed slowly, quietly.

Rick sighed. "You should have told me Kate, asked me to back off a bit, rather than letting it fester until you needed to send me away for the day."

"I, he's your baby too Rick. I knew how much Meredith excluded you from when she was carrying Alexis and, I wanted you to be involved. Never to hate me for withholding this experience from you."

Rick shook his head, letting his eyes slip closed.

She had been working so hard behind the scenes so he could have the pregnancy experience Meredith had taken from him.

Oh Kate.

"Kate, Sweetheart, I don't want you to be fighting so hard for my happiness that you forget your own. This only works if we're equal partners."

Kate nodded. "I know."

"That's the same with your leave Kate. You spending the next year raising Owen alongside me. That was never meant to be a punishment Kate, hell it was your idea."

"It's not a punishment Rick, why would you..."

"'I was about to spend nearly a _year_ with you, day in day out, not to mention the newborn and I just wanted one day where you didn't need to know here I was at every second, where you weren't hovering, and making me feel inadequate.'" He quoted.

Kate blushed and shook her head. "I forget how well you do that sometimes." She murmured to herself more than him. "I didn't mean that as it sounded."

"So how did you mean it Kate? Because my take away from that is that I make you feel bad and you don't wanna spend a lot of time with me, so why you said yes..."

She grabbed his hand, halting him from continuing that sentence. "Castle I said yes because I love you. I, I proposed first remember? I _want_ to _marry you _Rick, I," she dropped her eye line from his.

"Kate?" He prompted gently.

"I always have." She shook her head, dropping his hand and withdrawing into herself, wrapping her body further around the baby. "He asked me y'know, why I didn't marry you. He seemed like a curious little boy, it was odd, but he wanted to know why I hadn't married you."

"What did you tell him?" Castle couldn't help but ask.

Kate shrugged. "That you hadn't asked me."

"Why are you telling me this Kate?"

She looked at him incredulously, a heart-wrenching hurt deep in her eyes. "Because you just asked me why I agreed to marry you. Because you think it was a snap decision because of the circumstance we found ourselves in but it _wasn't_. If you had asked me a _year ago_ Rick, I would have still said yes."

Castle shook his head, unable to process the fact he could have asked her a year ago and she would have agreed. "I wish you would have just come home Kate. I told you I had a bad feeling about this case and your back hurt and you were stressed out of your skin, anyone could see that. You should have just come home."

"You think I don't wish with all my heart that I _had_?" She shot back thickly. "You think I didn't lay there, the whole time he had me tied to that table, and _wish_, with everything I _had_, that I had listened to you? Rick, I know I keep saying it, but I almost got out baby _killed_. I _know_ how bad that decision was. I _know_ what it's like to live without your mom Castle and I still begged the universe to at least let _him_ live. I was so sure I was going to die, but I trusted you to get _him_ home safe. Any chance that he got was enough for me. And at least you'd have something to remember me by."

Owen startled as his mother's tear splashed on his forehead. He blinked up at her for a moment before starting to cry.

"Oh, oh, oh, no baby. Don't cry. Momma's sorry. Jeeze, I'm not very good at this am I?" Kate rocked him gently, trying to settle him.

"Maybe I should have a go." Rick murmured.

Kate looked up at him quickly, looking so much like a child wary of losing their favourite toy.

"Hey, Kate, I'll give him back. Just let me see if I can settle him."

She blushed faintly before nodding and handing Owen over.

While Rick brought him into his chest and rocked him, Kate drew her knees into her chest and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, turning her cheek into her knee to watch them both.

"I know baby boy, I know." Castle murmured empathetically. "Momma startled you, I know Buddy. But it wasn't that bad was it, huh? You're not hurt." He laid the boy against his shoulder, smiling when he drew himself up into his daddy's chest, before holding him with one broad hand, using the other to check his nappy. Nope, still dry. "What's all that squawking about, hmm? You hungry Little Man?"

Castle looked over at Kate and was flawed by the love in her eyes. "Hey, beautiful."

Kate blushed again and smiled at him shyly.

"When's the last time he was fed?" He asked, his smile for her never fading.

Kate looked down at her watch. "About an hour and forty five minutes ago."

Rick smiled. "Time to feed him, Momma."

Kate smiled and unbuttoned her sleep shirt, his old button down, and pushed it to one side before manoeuvring her nursing bra. Rick settled Owen in the crook of her arm and let Kate latch him on.

"Kate I told you, the only thing that matters now is that you're both safe. I don't care how we got there."

"You've still got the boys calling you with updates. Will still want a name." She assessed astutely.

"Only to know he's off the streets Kate. I just wanna know for certain that my family are safe. Nothing more."

"So," she looked up at him shyly after a moment, "still wanna give me that ring?"

Rick chuckled and left the room to retrieve it before slipping back in beside her, closer than before, and curling his arm around her back.

He gently opened the box against his knee before sliding out the ring and holding it up for her to see.

"So, Katherine Houghton Beckett, will you marry me?"

Kate chuckled wetly and turned her head to kiss his cheek softly. "Yes. Richard Edgar Alexander Rodgers Castle, yes I will marry you."


	21. Chapter 20

Author's Note-It's short, I know, but I want Espo to have his own chapter. And I know it's late, but I've been so ill I couldn't think for the last week or so. NYLF xx

* * *

Kate couldn't drag her eyes away from the diamond on her finger, or the baby in her arms, while she sat back and let Owen feed.

All she had wanted, since before he left for the Hamptons with Gina, what felt like a million years ago now, was to marry him, for him to be her 'one and done'. And here she was, engaged to him, holding Richard freakin' Castle's son to her breast.

It was mad. Amazing, but mad all the same.

_**KBRC**_

Castle smiled at the scene as he made his way back to the bed.

"How's he doing?" He asked softly, careful not to startle mother or child.

Kate smiled softly. "He takes after you." She murmured fondly.

"Can't get enough of your breasts?"

Kate gave a startled laugh, flashing her eyes up to meet his. He gave her a cheeky grin and she shook her head, chuckling to herself.

"I _meant_, that he could eat his body weight if we let him."

She let her eyes drift back to the newborn as she felt him slip away from her nipple.

"Think he's done?" Rick asked quietly.

Kate nodded. "You, you wanna burp him?" She asked shyly.

Castle grinned. It was the first time she had asked him to help with the baby since she had met him. "Sure." They carefully exchanged the baby between them before Rick settled him back on his shoulder, gently working out the air bubbles from his stomach, while Kate readjusted herself.

"You're a good daddy." Kate murmured, watching as he fiancé gently tapped their boy's back, rubbing in small circles as he released all the air in his tummy. Owen burped, making his daddy laugh before he brought him back to lay happy and contented in his arms.

"I've had practise."

Kate smiled. "I don't know how you ever did it alone. I'm so tired and it's only been a day."

"You also gave birth yesterday Kate. Your body's still recovering from bringing our baby into the world. Give yourself a break; take some time to adjust to it before you start to try to be Super Mom okay?"

Kate nodded. "I'm sorry if you feel excluded Rick, it's just, he nearly took Owen. He was so close to taking our son and, every time I close my eyes, Castle, all I can see is him hovering over me with our son in his arms, telling me how I was to say goodbye now. It didn't even happen but it feels so _real_." Kate's voice just got smaller and smaller until she was whispering.

Castle sat, stunned to silence.

He knew, obviously, that it had been close. Knew, however ironic the thought, that if she hadn't started bleeding, she would probably be dead, their boy missing, by now.

But he had no idea the reason she was being so protective was because she could see it play out in her mind when her eyes were closed. No wonder she didn't want to put him down.

"Kate, I can honestly promise you that I will never complain because you care _too much. _Not ever. But let me help okay? This is easier as a pair. We'll do everything in our combined power to keep him safe, remember? You said that. So let me help. Yeah?"

Kate nodded timidly. "I'm trying."

He gave her a loving smile. "You look so tired Baby." He murmured, cupping her cheek gently.

Kate smiled. "Struggling to keep my eyes open a little bit."

Rick grinned. "How about you take a nap then, hmm? Let your boys entertain themselves for a bit, while you recharge your batteries?"

She hesitated for just a second before she nodded. "Be good for daddy Owen, okay? And you, daddy, be good for Owen." She smiled making Rick laugh.

"Yes ma'am." He saluted with the hand not holding Owen, before gently taking the baby's hand and touching it to his forehead, mock saluting Kate, making her smile grow. "Yes momma." He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly. "Sleep well my Angel."

With one last kiss, Rick left the room, letting Kate slip into the most peaceful sleep she'd had in two days.


	22. Chapter 21

Author's Note-Another short one I'm afraid. But it's been two weeks and I wanted to give you something. Javi will come visit in the next chapter I promise, but I think this scene needed to happen first. I hope you like it. I promise to try and not make you wait so long for the next one. NYLF xx

* * *

Rick carefully balanced Owen while he unpacked Kate's bag and threw all the clothes in the pile for the laundry.

Hell, he may even _burn_ the clothes she was wearing yesterday.

He shook his head at himself.

He couldn't let it get to him.

She was safe, they both were. That was all that mattered now.

Not who took her, not why, the story wasn't important this time.

All that mattered now was his family.

His mother was coming back for the night, so long as he didn't ask her not to, and Alexis had promised to drop by at the weekend. Kate was asleep and his baby son was safe in his arms.

It was _over._

Now was the time to enjoy what they had, not dwell over what they could have lost.

* * *

He sighed to himself before slowly making his way into the kitchen, opening the door to stare aimlessly into the fridge.

Owen waved his arms jerkily at the sudden change in temperature.

"Oops, sorry buddy." Rick chuckled, closing the fridge back up.

He quickly walked over to the couch and grabbed the baby blanket from the carrier, before laying it out on the cushion and gently placing Owen on top.

Swapping hands expertly as he went, to make sure he always had a hand on his son's chest, Rick swaddled him tightly and then picked him back up, cradling him in his arms as he sat back against the couch cushions.

"You're Uncle Javi is coming round later Baby Boy. He wants to meet you."

Castle sighed, his eyes slipping closed as his head fell to the back of the cushion.

"You should have seen his face Owen. He shot off Mommy's cuffs because he couldn't wait the extra twenty seconds it would have taken to get them off with the key. I've never seen him so pale, Little One. He tried so hard to hide it, but we all knew that when he excused himself once she was safe, he went to throw up in private. He was just so worried about you and your momma. You're family to him, Little Man and he was _so scared."_

Castle took a moment to just watch his son as he stared up at him, blinking slowly, contentedly, trustingly. He could do no wrong in his son's eyes yet. His young irises yet to be jaded by the harsh realities of life.

"I'm so happy you're both safe Owen, so _so_ happy. I was worried too. I was terrified, even more than your Uncle Kev and Uncle Javi. When I saw your momma bleeding like that, oh Kiddo, I've never been so scared in my _whole_ life. Of all the things we've been through together, things I will never, _ever_ tell _you,_ that was the scariest."

He sighed softly and drew Owen into his chest, laying him against his shoulder and rocking them both back and forth subconsciously as he cried for the first time since hearing the news.

Huge great sobs rocked his body as he contemplated everything he could have lost.

He couldn't cry in front of Kate, she needed him to be strong for them both. Needed him to be her rock.

But here, with his son as his only witness, he could finally indulge and just break down.


End file.
